Finishing up a 4 day weekend...

Hi all...a belated Happy Mother's Day to everyone. I was going to post something yesterday, but well...I didn't want to end up being a Debbie Downer, especially since all and all, I've been pretty gosh darn good.

So, what did I do with my LLLLLOOOOONNNNGGGGG weekend? Well...here is a quick recap.

Friday: I went for a long bike ride. I biked from my apartment to the local video store...and then over to my dad's. I went through a bunch of stuff in my brother's room (which we are using for storage right now and are going to turn it into a workout room when I move back in). I found such weird things in there....a couple of checks people wrote me back in 2000. I am not going to cash them now because well, I've seen that episode of Seinfeld, so I just shredded them. I also found so much stuff I could have been using: blank notebooks, crayons, tape, a stapler, boxes of Papermate pens, rolls of unused film, etc. I just threw stuff in a box and never looked at it again. After sorting for a while, I rode my bike home...and then started to pack some stuff.

Saturday: I took a long, long, long bike ride...I rode over to the Post Office in town...then I headed to the video store again...and rode beyond and went on the bike trail for about 4 miles and then headed back to my dad's house. I am LOVING riding my bike around town. Dad and I went shopping...and bought lotsa stuff. I came home and continued packing things I didn't need. I filled my car...and worked up a nice sweat. Oh...and I had a nice, hour long conversation with a friend on the phone. We haven't hung out in about a year...but, it was SO nice talking to her. It didn't feel like so much time had passed. We are going to make plans to hang out next weekend and actually *see* one another. I am glad I am not being such a hermit...slowly, but surely. I also watched 2 movies...Juno and Superbad. Both very funny.

Sunday: I went to church. I almost biked there because my bike and I are in love. I was running a little late, so I drove instead...plus, I don't know how long it would take me to get there, so I played it safe. Church was really nice...and was glad I spent Mother's Day there since my mom always loved going to church. I had the nicest conversation with my Pastor...and she asked me to get involved in a service project I am really excited about (more about that at another time). I headed to dad's...unpacked all the stuff from my car and started to pile it in my dad's house. My dad and I headed to my mom's grave marker and brought some fresh lilacs from the house. My mom LOVED lilacs, so I love the idea of the smell of lilacs surrounding her marker. We came home...puttered around the house a little and then I headed home. I watched some crap tv and was in bed early. It was a sad, but more than that...a really good Mother's Day.

Monday: Ah, my last day off. I could get really used to not having to work...if only that paid the bills. I woke up, puttered around the apartment and then headed out (yes, on my bike)...and yep...went to the video store. Then, I headed over to my dad's and this time went through a lot of the stuff in my old bedroom. It's kind of cluttered now and since I am moving myself and all my stuff in...I have to declutter it. I threw away 2+ garbage bins full and found bags of clothes to donate. I also found...and this is hilarious, some alcohol I had stashed and hidden from college. So, I've had wine coolers stashed in my closet since probably 1998. If that's not funny and pathetic at the same time, I don't know what is. Anyways....I finished what I could, had lunch at my dad's...and headed back out towards my apartment. I decided to take the long way since I wanted to know how long it would take to bike all the way from dad's to work. Well, I got about halfway...and went over a rusty metal hanger and it plunged right into my tire....splat...flat tire. So, I got off my bike and walked her home. It was a little less than 2 miles...and so I got some walking workout in. I came home...watched some crap tv...continued to pack and now dad is coming over and we are going to get a patch kit and hopefully fix my bike.

So...that's my weekend...which basically is packing, decluttering and my constant love affair with my new bike.

Hugs all....

a year....comes and it goes.

This weekend...today actually...is the one year anniversary of my mom's death. Sometimes it seems like a million years have passed since my mom died and sometimes it seems like it was yesterday.

The anniversary is today, but it felt like it was on Friday. My mom passed away on the first Friday in May last year. I was in a huge funk on Friday. I wanted to call in "sick" to work on Friday...since I just didn't want to deal. I didn't...because there was work that needed to be done, but I wanted to. It was a hard day to sit in my office and go through the motions...and it kind of felt like I was living the day over again since many things were similar. I had a class I was preparing for the next day last year...just like this year. I had to leave during my lunchtime...this year, to run errands...last year, to go check on my mom. I would often think of that wonderful, naive sense I had last year until my dad called and asked if I had heard from mom and if I could call and see if she was home. My whole world changed...once I left and hoped to just go home, check on her and chastise her for not answering the phone.

So...on Friday, I just kind of went through the day and did everything to get my work done and get home. I spent both Friday and Saturday continuing my funk...I ended up bring snarky and trying to pick a fight with my dad on Saturday while we were shopping because I am just THAT mature. I basically hung up on him on the phone (which I think is just the rudest thing a person can do)...when I was calling him from one side of Target while he was on the other. I went home...ate WAY too much for dinner and then watched a movie and went to bed.

Today, I woke up...and felt better. I felt renewed is the best way I can describe it. I got up before my alarm...and got ready to go to church. I considered not going, but I always feel close and connected to my mom at church, so I knew it was where I needed to be. I spent two days being a grump...and missing my mom and I felt this morning, that she was telling me to get over it and honor her by being that positive being that my was always was. So, today...I have that spirit about me again.

I miss my mom. I can't believe she's been gone for a year. Dad and I went to visit her grave marker...and spend a little time with her. I'm gonna do the best I can to honor her and make her proud. I can dwell in the pain of missing her...but I am not going to do that because it isn't what she would want. She's more important to me and the world than that.

Hugs to all....

On my mind....

Today is one of those days I've been thinking a lot about my mom, so I thought I would write about her and how she fits into my weight loss journey since it seems to be all I ever talk about this lovely blog.

I'm one of the people who have always been overweight...since sometime in Elementary school. I was thin as a stick before then...and used to go to dance class all the time and basically could eat anything I wanted. Well, in 3rd or 4th grade...I quit dance and well, didn't stop eating anything I wanted. No shock that I gained weight...and that pattern continued until I was well into college.

I never seriously tried to lose weight until I was out of college. I mean...I wanted to be thinner and ordered all those "quick fixes" that I saw on tv...in hopes that they would work, but I will honestly say I never did the hard work of losing weight. I wanted the magic solution, but seemed unwilling to do the work.

Anyways, in 99...I hit a wall and got fed up. I started working my own program...basically counting calories and exercise. I was working close to home...and would walk to work and home...and walked during my lunch hour. I also watched every little thing I ate. It worked...I lost 50 lbs. I went to grad school...and kept it off for about a year and a half.

I gained it all back...and then got fed up again...and lost it. And then I moved back home to NY...and gained it all back again. Then I got fed up again...and lost it all again. Then, guess what...gained it all back again.

Then in May 4, 2007...my life changed. My mom passed away. She was only 60 years old. She had been battling diabetes and diabetes related illnesses for a long time. She suffered numerous infections...and her kidneys were not healthy. She was preparing to start dialysis within a year. My mom was overweight for most of my life...and she hated it. She would diet off an on...much like my history above. Losing her...was devasting. It wasn't something I was prepared for.

I went to a training for work the other day...and it was about motivating people to make changes in their lives, especially those people with a lot of problems or barriers. One of the main philosophies this guy had...is that the bad stuff or the pain in people's lives...it can either bury them or become the fuel they need to overcome it and become the success they are meant to be.

So, I miss my mom every day. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of something I would tell her...or want to ask her. I don't feel ready to be in a world without her and I doubt I ever will...but here I am. Well, for me...I used my mom's death and her health problems...as my weight loss fuel. I didn't always see it, but I see it now. She has been my motivation...to accomplish something I know that she wanted for me...to do something that would make her so proud.

I have had a different level of commitment to my diet and exercise plan this time around...than I have ever had before. I have been able to lose more weight...I have been able to stay on plan...I have been able to accomplish goals I never even dreamed of. I have thought to myself...why is it different this time?

It's different...because without even vocalizing it, I am doing it for her...and there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for my mom. She was there for me in every moment of every day....and if I have any kindness and compassion, it's because of her. So, my weight loss journey....and the success I have had...is in honor of her. I know she's smiling down on me...and so proud. And for that, I thank her...because she gave me the strength and the fuel to keep going...even when I wanted to throw in the towel.

Hugs to you mom...miss you bunches! (That's a pic of Mom and me...you know...when I was born and all)



And here is a pic of Mom and me at our local amusement park...on her fav ride, the Dumbo ride!

Mmm.......

Hey y'all....one thing I have learned in the last year, is that I actually am pretty good at baking. I never knew that. My mom...was fabulous in the kitchen. She was always making pies and cookies and candy and what not...and they were scrumdiddlyumptious! So, if I needed to bring something into work...or I wanted to bake a cake for a friend's bday...I would tell me mom, she would bake it up and voila! I made fudge with her once, but usually...I would just place the order and pick up the goods. One of the regrets I have now...is that I didn't spend more time with her in the kitchen and learn some of her tricks of the trade.

One thing my mom always did...is make cookies and cake and pie for the church when they were having dinners and what not. The church is having a pork dinner tonight, so I signed up to bring some supplies and I also signed up to bring a cake and/or a pie. I decided on AND instead of OR. So, here is what I made:



This is a grasshopper fudge cake. It smells divine. It is mint flavored white and green marbled cake...covered in a layer of fudge and then topped with mint flavored whipped topping and andes candies. If only the internet was scratch and sniff...and you could smell just how great this cake well...smells. I've haven't tasted it yet, but I am going to assume it is yummy.

And #2:



This is a No Bake Peanut Butter and Chocolate Pie. It's super easy to make and it is so rich and creamy. And of course, it is topped with drizzled dark chocolate fudge and some reese's PB cups. Mmmm...mmm....good!

I hope the church enjoys them...and I really did like making them. I have found I feel connected to my mom when I bake. I hope the church enjoys them even 10% as much as they LOVED my mom's baking. They used to ooh and ahh about the goodies she brought.

If anyone wants the recipes...email me and I would be more than happy to share. Enjoy your weekend y'all!

Happy St. Patty's Day to all....

Hey everyone....Happy St. Patrick's Day! I took the day off work...why? Because I consider it my nation's holiday. I am a redhead with pale skin that won't tan...and freakles all over in the summer time. So, yeah...to say I am Irish is an understatement.

If you live near a Stewart's and happen to be wearing green today...stop by and get a FREE SCOOP of ice cream. I wish I was eating ice cream, but not quite yet....but soon. Next year, I will get my free scoop. Heck...maybe next year I will go to every Stewart's in town...which would easily be over 10. j/k

I took a quick run over to my dad's this morning....3 miles...and then we went and bought some green carnations and headed over to my mom's grave marker and put them on the stone. She always loved St. Patty's Day and being Irish. She wore a claddagh ring for years and years...which I now own and only wear is seldomly because I am terrified of losing it. So, I hope she likes the flowers.

And now...I am heading out to go to the video store and then do some shopping...looking to see if the sales are any good for some pants, etc. If not...I'll keep looking.

Enjoy the day...even if you aren't Irish...pretend you are!

Random Update....

Happy Friday Everyone! This week has kind of dragged on...which is strange since I had Monday off and all, but still. I am glad it is Friday. It's been a few days since I have posted...or maybe more than a few days. It's interesting since sometimes I am in a post numerous times a day mood...and sometimes, I don't feel the need to post for a week or so.

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I have seen people post all about Heath Ledger dying all over the internet. I think it's tragic and horrible...just like everyone else (except for that jerk on Fox News Radio...who said Heath died because God is punishing him for playing a gay cowboy. *grumbles*), but I am not going to speculate about how he died...what happened, etc. I feel so sorry for his family who have to go through this while the paparazzi and news media are in their face 24/7. I can't imagine how horrible that must be. His ex-fiance returned to NY with their daughter and instead of being able to come home in peace...she came home to a flood of cameras and microphones. That's a shame. But, it's how society works...and I will admit it...when I see a new article on the internet about the story, I click on it and read it. So, I hate it...but I am also part of the problem. So sad...really. Star Jones...who I actually loathe...wrote a great article about it. I hate to agree with her, but well...I do. That's all I will have to say on the subject because even though he was a celebrity...I didn't know the man, I doubt you did either. And in the grand scheme of things...my opinions on someone else's tragedy just don't really matter now do they???

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Speaking of my mom...I have been dreaming a lot lately. Well, I imagine I always dream this much, but I have been remembering them more. She's been present in my dreams lately...and it's been nice. I have been dreaming about family adventures and the whole family is there...mom...dad...my brother, etc. What is particularly nice is that it just seems normal that she is there. It could be a dream that we are all going grocery shoppping and she is just part of the family group. I like it...and there isn't any sadness about it. So, I hope these kind of dreams continue...so I can continue to have warm family moments with her...if only in my dreams.

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I don't know if I have mentioned it before...I probably have, but I am interested in running a 5 mile race in the end of March. Ok, let's be clear...I want to jog a 5 mile race. I have never been a great runner...even though I can run on my elliptical machine forever. So, it's a goal I have....to continue training and be ready by March. I have gone out and jogged around my neighborhood and what not...in hopes of building up my tolerance. So far...it is jog some...walk some...jog some...walk some. Each time, I build up a little more of the jog time. The race is in the winter time, so I am running outside...I figure, I have to get used to it, eh? It does make it hard because sometimes it is just too cold to run. I really wanted to go out for a jog on Monday since I had the day off work...but it was so cold...only in the single digits. I don't have access to a treadmill...so when the outside doesn't work with me, I am stuck. Tomorrow though...it's on. I am going to jog/walk from my apartment to my dad's house...which is just over 4 miles. I don't care if it is cold. I don't care if it is snowing like nuts. I am going! Wish me luck!

Alright...that's it for now. See, I don't update all the time, but then when I do...I give ya more than just a line here or there.

It's Weigh-In Monday!

Hello everyone...it's officially Monday again, which means it is my weekly weigh-in day. I have always picked Mondays as my weigh-in days because it helps me stay focused on the weekends...knowing I have a weigh-in looking me in the face bright and early on Monday Mornings.

As we know..this week was Thanksgiving. You know...that holiday known for stuffing your face until you have to unbutton your pants. I had a really nice Thanksgiving with family...and I also didn't eat outside of my diet. I had veggies and cheese for my protein. I didn't have stuffing...and lord, I love stuffing. I didn't have mashed taters...and I like them too, but don't love them like I love stuffing.

Anyways...enough teasing you. I lost 3 lbs this week. That's right...3 freakin' pounds. I have never lost weight before the week of Thanksgiving....usually I am right in the middle of gaining weight before New Year's...when I will once again vow to take it off. In total, I have lost 33 lbs since recommitting myself to this diet mumbo jumbo.

This last week was stressful and sometimes sad for me...it was the holiday week, my mom's birthday...plus some other just stressful stuff. This would have been a prime week for me to comfort myself with food...but I didn't. And what is new, I didn't even think about it. A month ago...I was a little stress ball too...and I didn't jump into a pool of ice cream and chow away, but I thought about it. When I was feeling stressed or bad...food was still my first impulse. This week...I dealt with it in different ways. I talked to people. I went for walks. I cried if need be(I am so not a crier). Food wasn't my first thought...and I am really comforted by that. I think this diet...as strict as it is...is teaching me things. I am hopeful it is teaching me lessons that I can use long after I am done losing weight.

Phew...enough of all that seriousness. Oooh...I went shopping this weekend. No, not Christmas shopping like everyone else on the planet. I went shopping for the 2 reward presents I owed myself. I was putting off the sneaks because they were kind of pricey and I was hoping for a sale after TGiving. I got no sale, but I bought the sneaks anyways. I got a nice pair...they feel great on my feet. I always buy Nikes...I think they were just made for my foot. And, I bought some stuff at Bath and Body Works. They had a sale for 4 items for $10...so that's what I got. I have a hard time spending money on myself at any time, but especially at this time of the year...but I needed to get out of the head space because I deserved it...no I earned it. Plus, my old sneaks were falling apart...literally.

I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend...and that Monday is finding them well.

Hi everyone!

Today is a good and a sad day for me. Today would have been my mom's 61st birthday. I have been thinking about her a lot lately...which is what makes it a good day. You know, I was one of the luckiest people on the planet. Not many people got the parents I did. My mom was one of the most amazing women in the world...she was so giving and gracious...and given all of her health problems, she didn't let it beat her. She was one of the happiest people I knew. She always looked for the positive and the silver lining in everything.

And of course it is sad because I wanted more time. I wanted my mom to grow old and grey...and I wanted my nephew to continue to know and love her. I miss her all the time. For the most part, my days are really good...and thinking about her and talking about her is really good. She is the core of who I am as a person...she taught me how to live in the world.

I miss her.

Hugs to all. And...Happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there. Enjoy your time with your family and loved ones. I know I plan to.

Mmm....peanut butter frosting!

I signed up to bring a bunch of things to church dinner next month...they need fixin's for a ham dinner and also a bunch of pies and cakes. My mom used to make those things all the time. She was great at them. I can make a cake, but don't have the flare that my mom did. One of the many things she taught me to make was a scrummdiddlyumptious peanut butter frosting to put on top of a cake. I always find it surprising that you can't buy peanut butter frosting in the store. I wonder why that is...you can buy almost any other type of frosting. Hmm...anyone have an answer for that? I am learning how to make lots of different things that my mom used to make and peanut butter frosting is just one of them.

Oh well, doesn't matter because I can make a killer, sweet, fluffy peanut butter frosting because well, my mommy taught me. And it's easy too! So easy, that I know you can make it too.

Ingredients:

1/2 cup butter, softened
1 cup creamy peanut butter
3 tablespoons milk, or as needed
2 cups confectioners' sugar

Items You Will Need:
Measuring Cups,
Hamilton Beach® Mixer


Directions:

Place the butter and peanut butter into a medium bowl, and beat with an electric mixer. Add the milk and mix again. Now add the sugar in slowly and continue to beat it with a hand mixer until all of the sugar is mixed in and the frosting is thick and spreadable. Beat for at least 3 minutes for it to get good and fluffy.

My mom bought me a hand mixer years ago and I never used it. Something like an Eclectrics® Mixer. They are so nice because it doesn't make a huge mess and you have a lot more control. My mom had a huge mixer contraption, but I like the hand held ones better. Plus, with a Hamilton Beach® Mixer, you don't have to find all this space on your kitchen counter. I can remember my mom lugging her mixer in and out of the kitchen when she went to make something, but not with this. I am so glad I have one...and plan on using it this winter to make mom's famous fudge too.

It's so simple...and some of the best frosting I have ever had. I made it last year and put it on top of a chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting. It's the first cake I made by myself since my mom died....and let me tell you, it was a huge success. My mom would have been proud.

*yawns*

I had a lot going on this weekend...so here is an update, cause I know you are waiting with baited breath.

Friday: I got out of work...and was so excited that I am officially on vacation. I immediately went and got my haircut. If y'all are lucky...I might post a pic, but probably not. And if I do, I'll probably post it on myspace...so if you aren't my myspace friend....well, sucks to be you!

Saturday: I had such a hard time getting to sleep on Friday night. I have had a hard time sleeping lately and I am not sure why. Anyways...it sucked even more than usual because my alarm was set for 5am...in order to head to Maine with my dad for the day. I prepared him when I got into the car that I might be Ms. Cranky Pants, etc. (Luckily I kept the cranky at bay). SO, we got into Maine at about 10:30 or so. We walked around the boardwalk and bought some of the best salt water taffy. If you have never had Goldenrod Kisses...you are missing out man. Seriously!!! Then, we went over to the local cemetery where my grandparents are buried and meet up with my 2 uncles. It was hot as balls that day....I mean, I was dripping. My uncles got there...we all chit chatted and what not, took some pics and then headed out of the hot evil sun and got some lunch. We went to this cool restaurant that is shaped like a boat, so you feel like you are eating inside a boat. I got an awesome veggie burger...which was homemade, not frozen, etc. It was yummilicious. We had a nice conversation at lunch...until my uncle showed that he is still living in a bitterbarn since my grandma passed away. But, we all moved on...so, it went back to being nice. After lunch, we drove over to the house that my dad grew up in. My other uncle (Non bitterbarn one)...knew the next door neighbor, so we got to walk through their yard to behind my dad's old house. It is such a beautiful home...and it is right on the water. When my grandma sold it...back in 1979...she sold it for $79,000...and it might go back on the market soon and it is rumored it could sell for over 4 million dollars. That's insane...completely insane people. And..after that, my dad and I drove back home and I was in bed EARLY. Long day, but very good day.

Sunday: The JDRF walk was on Sunday. It was a good day, but a hard one to get through. I got up and headed over to my dad's house at 10am...and then we headed over to the walk. To this date, I raised $416.00...so I think that is awesome. My roommate said her employer has a matching program, so it might be even more....so that's great. I am thankful to everyone who donated, it meant so much to me. And...for the next month you can still donate, so if you missed it...no fear, click away! Ooh...a special thank you to the anonymous person who donated. I wish I knew who ya were, so I could really thank you. I got to the walk...turned in my donations and then headed over to the start line. I saw a woman from my church and we walked together. My dad watched and took pics....which I might post on myspace...see there are benefits to being my friend!! LOL Of course, it rained like crazy for the first half of the walk. I had an umbrella...so it wasn't horrible. It let up about the time we were turning around and heading in the other direction. I talked with the woman from my church through the whole walk...and it was nice chit chatting with her. She's truly a remarkable woman. I finished the walk...hugged my dad...and then we left and grabbed some lunch. I spent some time at home with him and then headed back to the apartment to just sit exhausted on the couch...phew. I watched some crap tv...the roomie came home, chit chatted with her...watched more TV...and then headed to bed.

So...there ya have it. My recap of the first weekend of my vacation. So, what's on tap today??? Well...I am going to do lots of laundry and start pulling my bedroom apart. This week is all about organization...and getting everything clean and in its place. At first, I thought my roommate was on vacation this week...but she's not...so I am going to have to try to get all this stuff done without waking her up or bothering her. It's no biggie...just kind of changes the way I would do things, etc. (i.e...I planned on sleeping on the futon while I worked on my room, but obviously that won't work now, etc.) Oh well...life is about adjusting.

Hope everyone is enjoying their week....even if you aren't on vacation like me.

JDRF Diabetes Walk: Sun Sept 9th! Help a great cause!

Hi everyone! I am late getting this message out, but I hope that it isn't too late to get some donations for this year's walk. I am walking in the local JDRF Walk. JDRF raises money and awareness about juvenile diabetes. I walked last year for my mom since she wouldn't have been able to walk the 5K all by herself.

My battled with diabetes for the majority of her life. I know she would still be here if she didn't have the disease. Sometimes it just doesn't seem real that she won't be there on the sidelines at the finish with me this year...and that breaks my heart, but it also confirms why walks like this NEED to happen. So, this year, I am walking for her again, but in a completely different way. Diabetes is something that affects so many lives...so many families. Please take a moment and donate anything you can...a dime, a million dollars...it doesn't matter.

Thanks...I'll be thinking of you all and your support this year when I walking around Crandall Park. And hey, if you are local...come on out and join me! The more...the better!

Here is a pic of mom and me...at last year's walk:



Much love,

sugar-filled delight!

Hey everybody....Happy Friday! We have a birthday club at work...which means that we put everyone's name into a hat and then draw...and you bring in a cake for someone else's birthday. I got to make a cake today for a good friend of mine at work. I made a double chocolate cake with peanut chips...and then I made homemade peanut butter frosting with chocolate chips.

People at work thought it was really good...and that made me really happy. And this is the first time I have baked without my mom helping me or doing it for me. I know she is looking down and proud of me for making a cake that was such a hit.

I might be on a complete sugar high though....

nice weekend...

Hey y'all....I had a nice weekend. Let's do a little review.

Friday: I was exhausted when I got home from work. I felt like I just could have slept forever. I went to my dad's house, fed the cat, checked the mail, etc. (Dad is away on business for the week...he's back now, so don't think you can break in and steal all our stuff). Anyways...I came home, talked to a friend on the phone, talked to my dad when he got home from his trip and then headed to bed to sleep and sleep and sleep some more.

Saturday: I got up bright and early...6am or so...and went to the Farmer's Market. I was hoping to get a lot of fresh, yummy goodies. Unfortunately, I didn't get a lot of things there. I am waiting for the lots of veggies to show up, which should be any week now. I love fresh out of the garden cukes...and can't wait til the farmer's garden has 'em.

And then in the late morning/early afternoon...I ended up going to our local amusement park with my friend for her son's birthday. We just had a great time...and it was great to be spending time with this friend again. We used to hang out all the time in high school and have come in and out of my life for the past 10 years. We reconnected just after my mom passed away...and I am so glad to have my wonderful friend back. It was a good time had by all.

and then after I left the amusement park...I went to my dad's house and we went to a neighbor's graduation party. I had to park on the next street over in order to get even close to the house. It was a nice party...and perfect weather for it. Then we went out to eat for dinner...and I headed home for some much needed rest.

Sunday: I went to church this mornin'...and the service was really nice. I think my mom would have loved it. My church is really such a loving community and they have been so supportive. After church, I went to go shopping with my dad...BJs and grocery shopping.

Oh...which made me remember...I am starting a whole new diet tomorrow. I was really motivated and energized when watching Celebrity Fit Club...so I am starting Dr. Ian's Fat Smash Diet tomorrow. I bought a bunch of stuff for the diet and prepped some recipes today. Hmm...maybe if y'all are lucky, I will share some with you.

So...now I am watching some tv on the tivo and then headed to bed.

It wasn't a horribly exciting weekend...but it was really nice.

anniversary overview

I was going to write a TT yesterday about 13 things I love about my dad, but well...the day got away from me. I'll write the entry before Sunday, I promise.

We had a really nice day. I went over to his house at about 5pm and we decided to go to Olive Garden. My family is a huge fan of Olive Garden. My dad always gets the same thing every single time he orders. He gets the Lasagna....he's gotten that for as long as I could remember. I decided to get the salad and soup. I love their salad and their minestrone soup is really good. I often get pasta as well, but not this time...I decided to save room for dessert. During the summer months, they have the BEST DESSERT EVER. It's berry sorbet covered with fresh strawberries and blueberries and then topped with some sort of custard. It's just heavenly, so whenever it turns to being summertime...I always get dessert when I go to Olive Garden. My brother called after we went to dinner and he and my dad talked for a few. My parents' anniversary is on Flag Day and so it is always a nice reminder when someone mentions, "Hey today is Flag Day!"

Then we went to Wal-Mart to buy a few things for my dad's trip (he's going out of town on business next week) and then we headed home. We spent a lot of time at dinner talking about mom and things she liked...memories of her. It was nice, but also sad. I miss having her to talk to...tell her about my day....ask her silly questions of advice.

And then I hung out with my dad until about 9pm...just chit chatting. But 9pm is his bedtime...and I had to get home and get myself to bed soon too.

It was really nice...I am glad we didn't let the day go by.

Much love to you mom...miss ya bunches!!!

Flag Day and so much more...

Today is kind of a hard day for me...emotionally. Today is my parents' anniversary. They would have been married 38 years today. It's just sad because they could have had so many more years together. My parents started dating when they were in high school...went to both proms together. They have been part of each other's lives for more than 40 years.

My dad and I are going to hang out tonight...have dinner at home or go out to dinner. I figure, we shouldn't stop celebrating their anniversary. It's a day I plan on celebrating, but it's also a day that I know I am going to be sad that she's not here...i'll be missing her like crazy.

Monday Morning ramblings...

I ended up getting a call with some bad news last night. My roomie called and said that her step-father passed away at about 9:30pm or so. He has been really sick lately and battling some pretty bad illnesses, so it wasn't expected, but it doesn't make it any easier to take. My thoughts are definitely with her because I know all too well what this feels like. That's all I will say about it though...because I do my best to not talk about other people's stuff on the internet. I'm not always successful, but I try. But...if you are sending prayers and warm thoughts out...send some to my roomie and her family.

Yesterday was Sunday...and once again, I planned and started to prepare myself for church. I had a hard time sleeping and ended up waking up at 5am...and could not get back to sleep, even though I was exhausted. Seems unfair, eh? I started to think about church...and soon enough...time to leave for church had gone by and I was still sitting on the couch. I just don't feel ready to go back to Church yet, even though parts of me really want to be there. It's the place that my mom and I went together...it was our weekly time, etc. My dad didn't go to church and in the last few years, my brother wasn't a church goer. So...it was something for me and my mom. I went to church the weekend after my mom passed away...but my brother was with me. And, I didn't do so well...cried the whole time. I have never been to church without my mom...and so, the idea of going is comforting and terrifying all at the same time.

I'll go back...and I know the longer I wait, the harder it gets, but I will go...when I am ready.

Random dump of how my weekend went...

Hey everyone! Happy Tuesday! Here is just a random lowdown on how my long, holiday weekend went.

On Saturday I went with my dad to Maine for the day. My dad and mom used to always go sometime over Memorial Day and clean up my grandparents' stone, etc. He has been doing that for years and years. I wanted to make sure he still went, so I offered to go along. It was a really nice trip. It's such a beautiful area up there and the weather couldn't have been nicer. We spent more time in the car than we spent in Maine, but it was still very, very nice. We walked by the house my mom grew up in and then drove by the house my dad grew up in. What's amazing...is the property values up there. There were tons of houses for sale and they were all going for insane amounts. One house had the asking price on it...and it looked like a decently sized 2 or 3 bedroom home...listed for $450,000. That's just insane...absolutely insane.

I went over to the local Blockbuster on Sunday...to exchange out some movies. When I went up to the counter to check out...the manager was the one renting me my movies. We ended up talking about the movies I was renting, etc...and it ended up coming up in conversation that I used to work for the rival video store in town. She asked if I was looking for work and said that if I ever am, to apply...because she would love to hire me. That just made me giggle...and got me thinking. I mean, I am so happy I left the video store, but sometimes I miss that extra video store money. So, I don't think I will be applying anytime soon, but I am going to let the thought linger in my head a little bit. Plus, I like the idea of basically getting a job I wasn't looking for...didn't apply for! *giggles*

On Memorial Day...I went over to the Saratoga cemetary and brought some flowers to place by my mom's marker. I hadn't gone down since the services, so I knew it was time. Of course...because it is a veteran's cemetary...it was insane there....had to drive around forever to get a parking spot. It was really nice though...tons of people there...and flowers everywhere. I was really glad I went up. Then I went over and spent some time with my dad...we returned some dishes to people that brought food and such. Then...I went grocery shopping and came home.

Speaking of grocery shopping....I am a walking hypocrit when it comes to Devil-Mart. I went to Wal-Mart three times this weekend. I went on Saturday night...not to buy anything, but to get a walk in. I spent so much time in the car on the way to Maine and back that the number on my pedometer was just pathetic. ick. So, I wanted a good sized walk, but didn't really want to be outside. So, I went to Wal-Mart and walked and walked and walked. The store is huge, so walking through it a couple of times adds on a lot of steps. Then...I also went back to Wal-Mart on Sunday...for a walk and to buy some stuff. And then on Monday, I desperately needed to go grocery shopping, so I went back to Wal-Mart. I walked throughout the whole store once and then got a cart and got to shopping. Of course, I saw a bajillion people while I was there. I always get busted at Wal-Mart...since I talk a good game about how much I hate the store and what they stand for. But alas...sometimes I can't help loving their low, low prices. I bought all the groceries I needed for the week (which wasn't A LOT, but still) and it only cost $27.00...at Hannaford that would have cost a lot more.

I hope everyone had a great Memorial Day...and if you had the day off, that you enjoyed it!

Weigh-In: Week Who Knows?

Hey y'all....I didn't weigh in at all last week, cause well...bigger things were on my mind. And, I also ate a lot more food than one should, out a lot more, etc. I am not beating myself up at all for that, but I am going to make changes. I know that to live a long life...I need to continue living healthy...continue working out...continue eating healthy foods, etc. It's important...and I know it was something my mom was really proud of.

I stepped on the scale this morning...and I didn't lose anything, but I didn't gain either. I am right back where I started. I am going to continue with my walking challenges...looking to get at least 10,000 steps each day. I am also going to track my food...and stop eating out. I am going to continue exercising...and get my butt back to the good ol' YMCA.

It's all baby steps....baby steps...to a healthier me. I gained some weight in the last 6 months....and I want it off, but in all honesty, I feel pretty gosh darn healthy. I just need to make sure I continue feeling this way.

Thursday Thirteen #30

Thirteen Random Things about Shelley 1. I decided to not have a theme this week...and just randomly list anything going on in my life this week. 2. The services for my mom were last Friday. They were really nice. I saw a lot of people I haven't seen in years...and got to spend some time with friends and family...smiling and telling great stories about mom. 3. My brother and his family left on Monday. You know...my brother and I didn't always get along as kids, but I really enjoy who he is as a person as an adult. I wish we lived closer...so we could see each other more often. And his son...the cutest, smartest human being on the planet. 4. I went back to work on Tuesday. Part of me liked setting into a regular routine. 5. I have found some old friends recently online....mainly through myspace. I found some high school, some college and a friend from grad school. It's been nice to get to know some old friends again. I often lose contact, so I am really happy to reconnect. 6. If you have myspace and wanna be my friend...let me know. I am slowly growing my myspace friends. 7. P.S. If I don't know who you are...I tend not to add you as my myspace friend...so send me a message telling me just how cool you are! 8. I absolutely cannot believe that Melinda got sent home on American Idol. I think she isn't as commercial as some of the others, but who can deny that voice...and her bubbly, sweet personality. I didn't watch, but I was shocked to see on the news that she was sent packing. 9. I now completely want Blake to win American Idol. He's cute and different. 10. I need to refocus on eating right and exercising, etc....I was doing well and then just didn't prioritize it when my mom died. But in reality...if nothing else, my mom's death reminds me to live my life to the fullest...which means that I need to be healthy to do that. 11. I want to start hiking again. I am going to pick some smaller peaks and start there. Wanna come with? 12. My roommate took part of her test to become an EMT this past weekend. She passed...did very well. She has been taking an EMT course all year long. She has her final test (written portion) tonight...so cross your fingers and wish her luck! 13. Today completely does not feel like Thursday. I completely forgot what day it was until I saw a friend's Thursday Thirteen. I didn't work on Monday, so every day has felt like a day behind.

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back to the grind....

Today was my first day back to work...I initially thought I would go back on Monday, but my brother and his family were getting on a plan mid-day, so I decided to take Monday too so I could see them off at the airport.

The services on Friday were wonderful...I saw a lot of people I haven't seen in a long time. It was nice to see how loved my mom was. And the funeral service was very nice as well. Our current pastor came...and our former one as well. I just adore our former pastor...he is such a good man and always seems to know the right thing to say.

Later on Friday we all went to my aunt's summer home...about 45 minutes away. We got to hang out, have some food and just spend some happy time together as a family. It was really, really nice. I hadn't seen some of the family in at least a few years...so it's a somber reason to get together, but a real joy to see them. And my aunt...she's just so wonderful. She is just the most warm and loving person.

And I got to play with my nephew...Alex...bunches and bunches. It was really great...brought a lot of joy to the weekend. I love that we are such buds...and that he gets a huge smile whenever he sees me. I am so grateful for him and that he was around.

If anyone out there in cyberland knows me....knows I am not someone who cries. I am just not very emotional, never have been. But, I will say...I have cried, understandably, more in the last week and a half than I have my entire life. I cried my little eyes out the day after...I cried at church...I cried when my brother came into town...I cried when putting the pics together (after picking a fight with my brother)....cried at the funeral...cried while watching Celebrity Fit Club and listening to Marcia, Marcia, Marcia talk about her mom, etc. I still don't cry a heck of a lot...I think of my mom often...all the time....and emotion comes over me. I learned though...that I cry when it is important....and this was.

But in all honesty...I am okay. I will miss her forever....and be saddened when I think of things we could have done together, etc...or that Alex will grow up not really knowing her. But, I know how lucky I was to have her as long as I did.

And...she would want us to keep living...to keep having joy in our lives and for her, I will continue to do that. I owe her at least that much.