Happy Sunday y'all....

Guess what, I'm being bad...and playing hokey from church today. I've gone without missing for about the last 3 months. It's not like I think I should get a pat on the back for that....I am just happy that I feel more committed and connected to church. So, then why am I not going? Well...it's feeling like spring outside and I really feel the need to do some spring cleaning, so I am going to spend the morning cleaning the apartment...before heading over to my dad's and helping him clean a little bit there.

I have a lot of stuff here that needs a good cleaning. I have said this a million times over and I mean it each and every time...but I wish roomie and I were better at cleaning on a day to day basis than we are. We clean once and then let it get pretty dusty and dirty again...and then do another day of cleaning. It's frustrating that I can't seem to break that cycle. I'm trying...

Today, I am going to clean the kitchen...mop the floor, clean the counter, take out the garbage, get rid of stuff in the cupboards I don't use, etc. And of course, cleaning the bathroom...since it is pretty grungy in there. I am going to mop the floor, clean the bathroom vanities, the toilet, the sink, the shower, clean the mirror (you know so it isn't covered in little toothpaste dots!) And then I gotta clean the living room...that's the easiest room....wiping down the tables and woodwork...and then a quick vacuum. I have a bunch of clothes in there I need to bring to Salvation Army to donate, so I need to actually do that. And finally...my room could definitely use a clean. I need to put away clothes...and I need to just get rid of a lot of stuff that I don't need and don't use.

So...I plan on opening the windows and getting my cleaning groove on. I think God would give me the thumbs up about that. I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend.

It's a beautiful day...

I'm so happy Spring seems to be turning the corner...the weather has been so nice recently. I had to work on Saturday morning and by the time I left the office at noon...it was so nice outside. It was still a little bit chilly...with a nice breeze, but the sun was out and it felt great to be outside. I decided to run on over to my dad's house...and enjoy the time outside. I warmed up with a mile walk...ran the 2 miles in the middle...and cooled down with another almost mile (It's 3.8 miles from my house to my dad's).

I had two really nice weight/diet related things that had nothing to do with the scale (and then I'll get to the scale report). This Sunday, I helped with the communion breakfast at church. We have a sit down breakfast in between the first and second services...as a time of fellowship and celebration. It's really nice since the first service and the second service...we often don't see each other much. I said I would help...so I made a huge fresh fruit salad and headed to church at 8am to help. Since many of the people in the second service hadn't seen me in a while...many months at least...a lot of them came up and said how great I looked. It was a nice reminder...since I have kind of gotten out of that period of people seeing the weight loss as a new thing. One woman, who was also my 6th grade teacher...came up and asked me what I've been doing and said I've never looked this healthy. So, it was good to see people...and help with the breakfast...and to make a healthy option (fruit)...and have people say that I looked fit and healthy. whoo hoo.

My second good thing...I went shopping on Sunday afternoon. I am in desperate need of work pants. I used to have a million bajillion pairs of pants, but now barely any of them fit. I had a bunch of size 12 pants and now basically they all are unwearable. I tried to wear a pair to work last week and it was embarrassing how they looked. So, I am basically down to 2 pair of pants that fit...and only one of them is work appropriate. I headed over to Old Navy in hopes of finding some nice pants on their clearance racks. I basically got one of every style of clearance pants they had in a size 8...and went to try them on. Most of them either fit or were a smidge loose. One of the pairs that was loose I really liked...they were a pair of khakis that kind of looked like cords, but not quite. Hard to describe...but I liked them. So, I hunted through the clearance stacks and found them in a size 6...and tried them on and low and behold, they FIT and fit well. I bought them and another pair of dress pants (size 8)...and was on my way. I can't believe I own a pair of size 6 pants...it makes my head hurt, but in a good way. whoo hoo...hoo!

Monday is my weigh-in day...as per usual. I have been working out hard this week...and doing 3 days of weight training and 3 days of light cardio. I hoped to see the scale blip up...which means I might be starting to build muscle. I had a trail mix attack on Thursday night...which means that I started eating it...and ATE way too much. I filled my belly with salty, yummy trail mix. So, on Friday and Saturday mornings...during my daily weigh-ins, the weight was up...sometimes as much as 4 lbs. Does that mean I gained 4 lbs overnight? Nope, not bloody likely. That stuff was mighty salty...and my body isn't used to it. So, I imagine I was retaining water like a mofo...especially since I was sucking down water on Saturday like no tomorrow. So, I stepped on the scale this morning...and I was up one lb. I don't think it's salt...or water weight...or a lb of gained fat from sucking down too much trail mix. I think it's an actual lb gained from working out and increasing my weights. I have muscles I haven't seen for a while on my arms...and my legs feel stronger. So...I can actually say for the first time in my natural life, I am HAPPY I gained a pound. I would like to gain 4 or 5 more...the smart and healthy way...gaining muscle, etc.

Alright...enough blabbering on about my scale and my weight and what not. If the weather is as beautiful where you are as it is here...get out there and enjoy it.

Monday Weigh-In and what stress will teach you...

Hi all! I woke up on Monday morning...with my legs a little sore and my knee kind of barking at me. But...I still felt good. Those aches were reminders of the race I ran, so I kind of smiled and grimaced at the same time. I usually do more of a cool down walk than I did yesterday AND I usually go shopping with my afterwards so I walk for another hour or so around stores...and yesterday after the race, I spent some time watching the TV...and that's about it.

Let's get to the weigh-in...I stepped on the scale and I lost another pound this week. At least it wasn't two! Since I have been pushing cardio so hard in preparation for the race, I was not surprised. Now that the race has come and gone...I can change my focus from cardio centered to weight training. I am starting the Body for Life 12 Week Challenge. It has you doing weight training 3 times per week and cardio 3 times per week. I will be doing a lot less cardio though...only 20 minutes at a time. So, I think it will be a nice, new change.

I think I am going to stop doing the weekly weigh-ins over there on the site. I am going to change the format...and report if I am in my range or not. I am going to give myself a 10 lb. range...and right now, I am at the bottom of that range since I would actually like to gain some weight. As soon as I am within the range, I'm cool. And then...if for 3 months, I stay within range...I am going to give myself a maintenance reward. So...that's my plan, Stan!

And what is this I mentioned about stress? Well...this morning, I went down to start my car and it wouldn't start. I often have a security issue with my car...so I didn't think it was a big deal, but then I realized it still wasn't starting. I wasn't sure if it just needed a jump...or if it was the starter or the alternator...or if it was the security system finally going belly up. My dad is a doll...and took me to work. I knew I couldn't deal with it until I got home. And..once I got to work, what was going to be a quiet, easy day turned into a busy day...where I had to spend the whole morning in the jail dealing with something I wasn't expecting.

So, I came back from the jail right before lunch...a tad bit stressed. What makes me happy about all this stress is how I dealt with it. One of my main issues with long term weight management is that I have always been an emotional eater. Overall, I eat pretty healthy...but when life sucks or when I am stressed out, I tend to go right to emotionally eating. What made me happy today...is that I didn't even think about ordering a pizza or getting some crap food out of the vending machine. Being on this plan...made me deal with my emotions and not feed them. I learned to recognize I was stressed...and realize that everything was out of my control. Once I did that...I calmed right down and I was in a great mood. So, I've lost a bunch of weight...got into better shape physically...but I've also dealt with the internal/emotional issues I have with food. With well...rocks.

BTW- AAA came and jumped my car...and it runs. I figured out the problem...and need a repair down the line, but dodged a bullet for right now.

Hugs all...Happy Monday!

Random Update....

Happy Friday Everyone! This week has kind of dragged on...which is strange since I had Monday off and all, but still. I am glad it is Friday. It's been a few days since I have posted...or maybe more than a few days. It's interesting since sometimes I am in a post numerous times a day mood...and sometimes, I don't feel the need to post for a week or so.

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I have seen people post all about Heath Ledger dying all over the internet. I think it's tragic and horrible...just like everyone else (except for that jerk on Fox News Radio...who said Heath died because God is punishing him for playing a gay cowboy. *grumbles*), but I am not going to speculate about how he died...what happened, etc. I feel so sorry for his family who have to go through this while the paparazzi and news media are in their face 24/7. I can't imagine how horrible that must be. His ex-fiance returned to NY with their daughter and instead of being able to come home in peace...she came home to a flood of cameras and microphones. That's a shame. But, it's how society works...and I will admit it...when I see a new article on the internet about the story, I click on it and read it. So, I hate it...but I am also part of the problem. So sad...really. Star Jones...who I actually loathe...wrote a great article about it. I hate to agree with her, but well...I do. That's all I will have to say on the subject because even though he was a celebrity...I didn't know the man, I doubt you did either. And in the grand scheme of things...my opinions on someone else's tragedy just don't really matter now do they???

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Speaking of my mom...I have been dreaming a lot lately. Well, I imagine I always dream this much, but I have been remembering them more. She's been present in my dreams lately...and it's been nice. I have been dreaming about family adventures and the whole family is there...mom...dad...my brother, etc. What is particularly nice is that it just seems normal that she is there. It could be a dream that we are all going grocery shoppping and she is just part of the family group. I like it...and there isn't any sadness about it. So, I hope these kind of dreams continue...so I can continue to have warm family moments with her...if only in my dreams.

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I don't know if I have mentioned it before...I probably have, but I am interested in running a 5 mile race in the end of March. Ok, let's be clear...I want to jog a 5 mile race. I have never been a great runner...even though I can run on my elliptical machine forever. So, it's a goal I have....to continue training and be ready by March. I have gone out and jogged around my neighborhood and what not...in hopes of building up my tolerance. So far...it is jog some...walk some...jog some...walk some. Each time, I build up a little more of the jog time. The race is in the winter time, so I am running outside...I figure, I have to get used to it, eh? It does make it hard because sometimes it is just too cold to run. I really wanted to go out for a jog on Monday since I had the day off work...but it was so cold...only in the single digits. I don't have access to a treadmill...so when the outside doesn't work with me, I am stuck. Tomorrow though...it's on. I am going to jog/walk from my apartment to my dad's house...which is just over 4 miles. I don't care if it is cold. I don't care if it is snowing like nuts. I am going! Wish me luck!

Alright...that's it for now. See, I don't update all the time, but then when I do...I give ya more than just a line here or there.

It's New Year's Eve people!!!

I can't believe it's NYE...this year has flown by. It's been a good and a bad year. I have liked my job, taken getting healthy seriously, saw my brother and his family 3 times this year, etc. Of course, the bad...is that my mom passed away this year. Most of the time, I have adjusted and can say that I am happy and found a way to move on that honors her...but on some days, I just miss her something fierce....you know, when you have a question that only she would know the answer to. All in all...I have high hopes for 2008.

I am not someone who makes New Year's Resolutions...I think they are cliche and that people don't really mean them when they make them. I think people make them...knowing they are going to break them.

But I do believe in setting goals for the upcoming year. Why is a New Year's Goal different than a resolution??? The intent just feels different to me, that's all.

So, here are a few of my goals in 2008:

1. For the first time, losing a truckload of weight is not one of my goals...and I couldn't be happier. I set a goal last year to lose 45 lbs in 2007...and instead, I lost 47. I have a few more I would like to lose, but that doesn't mean I don't have any fitness goals.
*I would like to ramp up my exercise even one more notch. I want to keep doing the cardio (with my rusty trusty elliptical) and also do a lot of circuit training to tone and shape what I've got.
*I want to run a 5K. I put that as a goal last year...and I walked a 5K, so I thought...good enough. Not good enough. I want to run one. We have a local runners club here and they have 5Ks throughout the year...so, I want to sign up for one. There is one in March...and I might sign up for that one to push myself to be ready by then. I won't like training and working up to it in the cold, but I'll survive!
*A fitness goal I have...is to figure out how to maintain my weight. I have had success at losing weight and gaining weight, but staying the same weight...that is such a mystery to me. So, I want to maintain my weight...and plan on giving myself a reward for each month I maintain my loss...once I am done losing.

2. I want to be more organized in all areas of my life. I want to be more organized at home. I want to constantly keep the apartment clean. Instead of letting it get gross and disgusting...and then doing a mass cleaning, I want to keep on top of it every single day. I also want to be more organized at work...I want to not let things pile up. So, I am looking for 2008 to be the year of organization.

3. I want to be more active with my church this year. They have been really wonderful this year. My mom loved church and so being there is a really nice way to be close to her. I want to get involved in more things...and become more connected to the church, other than through my mom.

4. I want to expand my wardrobe. I want to buy some more clothes...but within a budget. I plan on buying a new item or so every time I get paid. It would be nice to not be still wearing clothes I was wearing in high school.

5. I want to continue saving money. I want to start a Christmas savings account so that the holiday spending doesn't always seem like such a pinch. I also want to save for another trip to Florida...possibly going with some friends, etc. And, I also want to take another look at my monthly budget...making sure I am saving all the $$$ I can.

Those are some goals I have...I am sure I will have more and that I will tweak them, but those are the thoughts that come to mind.

Anyone else have new year's goals????

I need all the self-help I can get!

I have read a lot of self-help books in my time. I am always interested in reading someone else's advice on how to make changes in my life. I've read retirement books, financial books, weight loss books, self esteem books....the list goes on and on. There is a new book for women out. Well, actually...it's not that new. It's been on the best seller's list for ever and it's now in its 5th printing. It's called "Inside Every Woman: Using the 10 Strengths You Didn't Know You Had to Get the Career and Life You Want Now" by Vickie Milazzo. If you go to the website, you can read the first chapter for free. I think that is so cool. I have often thought a book would be super duper cool, but once I got it...I realized it just wasn't the right book for me.

I took a quick read and it had me intrigued. Part of the free chapter talks about the promises that we, as women, should make to ourselves in our lives and especially business. One that really struck home is #2: "I will go for it or reject it outright." That just makes so much sense to me. I know so many people that half do something. I know I have done it. Going at something halfway...seems to give me an out if it doesn't workout. I can tell myself...it's ok, I didn't really want it anyway. Well, that may be well and good, but it's the coward's way to do things. So...cheer, cheer to Vickie Milazzo. It's definitely something I should be applying in my life. Hey, if I fail...at least I know I gave it 100%.

So, check it out. I think I am going to see if my library has the book and if not, you could always buy it on amazon.

hmmm.....

I was watching Good Morning America this morning before heading to work...as I always do. I like GMA...I like Diane Sawyer, I like Robin Roberts and that Chris Cuomo is a fine drink of water. Hummina.

As I was watching though...I made an observation that I would like to share with you. Here is a pic of the dreamy Chris Cuomo.




Now, I have long been a fan of the Cuomo family. I can remember thinking his dad was one of the great Governor's of NY State and I voted for and supported his older brother when he was running for Attorney General.

I met Andrew Cuomo back in 2001...he came to my grad school and talked about public policy issues, his work with homelessness and how social workers could and should engage in the political and governmental processes. I was really quite smitten with him. When I asked him a question later at a little gathering, I was fumbling my words...got a little weak in the knees.

And now...here is a pic of Andrew a la 2007.





He's kind of sporting the zombie look these days. He definitely wouldn't be making me weak in the knees I tell ya. Even though, I am jumping for joy that he is the new Attorney General, but well...I think the zombie look is taking over.

And then let's not forget dear ol' Dad...Mario Cuomo. I adored Mario Cuomo when I was a kid. I was so excited in 1992 when I thought he might run for President. I just think of the world of him as a politician.

And here is a pic of dear ol' dad:



I worried for Chris. I mean, he's drop dead gorgeous!! He makes watching GMA much more enjoyable, but well...how long before the zombie starts overtaking him too!

*winks*

when tv wasn't just reality smeality...

Last night...while I was trying to fall asleep...I was flipping around the channels and came across a channel playing repeats of The Wonder Years. The episode I fell on was actually the last episode and I watched it for a few moments. And after that, they started the series again...and played the pilot episode. I ended up watching the whole episode. I was tired, but I really wanted to see it.

I forgot how much I loved that show...and how really great it was. It was a show I always watched when I was a kid. It was a never miss. It started in 1988 and then, I was 11 years old...so I definitely related to the trials and tribulations of Kevin Arnold and his crew of dorky friends. Yes, it was set in the 60s, but it just told the story of growing up and finding your place in the world.

I also remembered...there was a girl in my high school who looked JUST like Danica McKellar...I mean it. She was like her long lost twin. People actually called her "Winnie" when she walked by in the halls....which drove her nuts.

Anyways...I just really enjoyed watching the show again. It really was well made...and definitely reminded me of my childhood. It's kind of sad now that TV shows like this, I am not sure they would make it. A new show has about 2 weeks to get an audience and if it doesn't, it's cancelled. They will replace it with another trashy reality show and know they will make their money. It's kind of sad that shows like The Wonder Years don't exist much anymore...but we have a reality show where people compete as if they were pirates. Aurgghh!

Oops and a giggle...

When I was driving to work this morning...there is a corner where it is sort of blind, so you have to be super duper sure before pulling out or you might cut someone off or eeek...cause an accident.

So...today I thought I looked, but I didn't...and when I pulled out I saw that there was a car coming, so I slowed down and got behind him. No harm. No foul. But well...he decided to stick his little finger out the window and flip me off. Yes, if I had kept going and made him screech his tires to not hit me and cut him, I would deserve to be flipped the ever elusive bird, but well...I made a mistake and slowed down and went behind him.

So...after he flipped me off. I stuck my little hand out my window and....no, I didn't flip him off back...that would be immature. So, I just waved at him, as friendly as my little hand could. I think that pissed him off...cause he slowed down to about 15 miles an hour (on a 30 mile an hour road). So, I just slowed my car right down to about 10 miles an hour and slowly followed him. The fact that I wasn't getting angry...was really pissing him off. And you know what, that gave me some sick sad enjoyment. I made a mistake...I should have looked better, but you know what...it happens. I corrected and avoided cutting someone off or an accident. And from that point on, that guy's emotions are his own problem.

When he turned left at one point and I went around him, I smiled and as nice as I could...waved to him. Yes...sometimes I am not Mother Teresa...and just petty. But well...I can live with me.

So, my advice to you...someone flips you off...be as nice as pie. I can tell ya it is more effective than getting pissed back and getting all Hulk angry at someone.

*giggles*

So, I was driving home from work today...and I drove past our local gas station...and saw that gas was selling for $2.99/gallon. Gas had been selling for about $3.15/gallon around here and the news had said that the area average was $3.11/gallon. So...I was shocked to see it under 3 dollars.

I pulled in and filled up. I had about half a tank, but I figure...if gas goes down in price...I should buy it. How sad that anything under $3 a gallon is considered cheap gas. *rolls eyes*

Bye Bye Isaiah!

I heard this morning on GMA that Isaiah Washington is not going to be back on Grey's Anatomy next season. It may seem petty, but well...I was very happy to hear this. I'm sorry, I am.

When I saw the season finale of Grey's....I started to worry. One, every single character ended being completely misreable...come on Grey's...can't ONE person have some happiness. But anyways...I digress...in the final episode George is cleaning out his locker after failing his intern exams and saying that he cannot repeat his intern year. So...I got worried that TR Knight was not going to be returning to Grey's next season. There were reports after "the incident" that Knight said that if Washington was to stay on the show that he would have no choice but to leave. So...I was worried that Washington was staying and Knight was leaving.

And just in case anyone out there is living under a rock...Washington was critiqued for calling TR Knight a gay slur on two different occasions in 2006. He called him the F word on the set and then said it again on national television after Grey's won the Golden Globe for best ensemble cast. He then apologized again...and went to rehab. I don't know what kind of rehab...I didn't know they had "gay slur" rehab, but well....celebs seem to think that rehab is in the solution to any situation they get themselves into.

Anyways...it angered me that it wasn't a bigger deal what Washington said. Imagine the firestorm if someone on the Grey's cast called Washington the N word. They would immediately be fired...and the Jessie Jackson's and Al Sharpton's of the world would be going bat shit crazy. But...there is still this sense of acceptance when it comes to calling people "gay" names. It seems that the gay community and the overweight community are still open to name calling and jokes...those are still funny, while other populations are not. I mean...look at Imus. He was fired for calling someone a "nappy headed ho." And we all know it was the nappy comment not the ho comment that got his ass fired. The African American community is much more mobilized than the women's rights community....so well...

So, I was glad to see Grey's take a stand and not renew his contract. I believe in free speech...but I also believe that your words have consequences. Washington used the word...not once, but twice...and the second time he used it, he was denying he used it in the first place. Was it the end of the world? No...but I can see why ABC made the choice they did. So...so long Isaiah...I liked Dr. Burke as a character, but well...words have power...and consequences.

Of course many will say it is just more PC crap...but I happen to applaud Grey's and ABC for making a decision to not support intolerance. Maybe someone will think about it the next time they are going to callously call someone the f word.

Do you believe in ghosts?

For the longest time I didn't believe in ghosts...that spirits stayed around after someone died. I often felt that ghosts were just something that people wanted to believe in, not something that actually existed. I thought those reality tv shows where people have to stay in haunted areas were just well...silly.

But, I will say...if you asked me, I would say that I do believe the spirits of people can hang around. I don't know if that's really about the spirits or about the living who are still here, etc. If you asked me a year or two ago, I would say that I have never seen or heard or felt a ghost, but then I took a bunch of kids to the old county jail to do a community service project.

We got there around 9am...and the kids just thought the jail was too cool. The guy working there (it's now been restored and used for community space)...took us on a tour of the old jail and showed us all around. It was dark, damp and definitely did not feel like a good place to be. The kids thought it was awesome and kept telling each other that they were going to lock each other in. It was all fun and games until we actually got to working on our assigned project. The jail cells were used for storage...so tarps were in one cell and christmas decorations were in another (I just find that hilarious that garland and a christmas tree are in a jail cell). So, when we needed something...a kid or two would run back into the jail and grab whatever was needed. The kids all wanted to be the ones to go and would fight over it..at first. The first two kids went...and I could hear them yelling and playing in the jail. And then it got quiet. One kid came running back. He said that he pretended to lock one kid in and when he did that...there was a loud noise and then he had a hard time opening the door of the cell. They yanked on the cell and when it opened...the other kid ran outside. I went outside and convinced him to come back, but for the rest of the day he had no interest in the jail. Later in the afternoon, I went to the jail to get some things. There was this bizarre wind in some of the hallways and the whole place just had a presence to it. I know horrible things happened in that jail. Inmates killed other inmates. Inmates committed suicide, etc. You could just feel that dark and danger that was in that room.

Why am I talking all about ghosts and creepy ghosts at that?? Well, I once believed there were no such things as ghosts and being in that jail made me at least open my mind up to the possibilites that there might be paranormal presences out there. Well there is a new movie out based on a Stephen King story called 1408. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Stephen King. My dad grew up in Maine and almost took a creative writing class from him in college. (he signed up, but ended up dropping the course...I bet he regrets that now!). I think his books are fabulous and the movies based on his books are pretty good too. I will be afraid of clowns forever mainly because I saw IT at an early age (and also because clowns are uber creepy). He writes with such intensity and wit...you can't help being drawn into his storylines.

Enough with the Stephen King lovefest and back to 1408. The 1408 Movie stars John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson. The basic storyline is that horror novelist Mike Enslin (Cusack) is convinced to prove that paranormal phenomena does not exist, so he checks into infamous room 1408 at a NYC hotel. There is folklore that it is haunted and that any guest who stays there doesn't survive the hour. Enslin wants to prove that 1408 being haunted is just a myth, but when he checks in...strange things start happening.



Does he make it out of the hotel? Does he survive the night and prove that the ghosts are a myth? Does he survive the night and confirm that the ghosts are most definitely real? Or do the ghosts take him within an hour just like every other guest of room 1408? Well, the movie comes out on June 22nd, so to find out...you are going to have to buy a ticket like everyone else. I am excited to see this movie because like any other Stephen King movie, it is sure to not disappoint.

what the....

You know, sometimes I think people think it is just too much of a bother to be nice, to be cordial, etc.

I get to work about 15 minutes early each morning...and before clocking in, I walk around the building once or twice. It's good to start the day with a smidge of exercise and if I clock in too early, I will get the dreaded red box on my timesheet! dum, dum, dum....

So, there are often people working or standing outside smoking cigarettes when I am walking around. I usually always walk by and say "hello" or "good morning" to them as I pass. Most people will say hi back or ask how I am doing, etc... There are a couple of people that just REFUSE to answer. Every single day I walk by and say, "Good Morning" and every single day they sit there like no one said anything to them.

It's just rude...and well, unnecessary. *grumbles* But, I won't let their rudeness get to me...so every single morning I will say "g'mornin" to them...if they don't respond, it their problem...I still wish them a good morning!

P.S. I am doing Relay for Life tonight...so wish me luck!

And people say he isn't smart!

Anyone who reads me knows...I am a fan of one Mr. Benji Affleck. He's adorable and witty and yeah, a smarty pants. I think, in many ways, he's gotten a horrible reputation in Hollywood and is a much smarter man than people give him credit for.

Over on Huffington, there was article about Benji and some of the comments he made about the Democratic party on the Bill Maher show. Here's a link to the article, check it out.

And yes, Ben did get it right...completely. I am a card-carrying member of the Democratic Party and I couldn't agree more. I support the Democrats and their agendas...I just wish they would stand behind them as wholeheartedly as I do. I find it so frustrating...how sheepish and cowardly the democrats behave. The people voted in the last election...and spoke their minds about the current administration and the war...and placed record numbers of democrats in office.

The democrats get all big and tough and pass a law which funds the war, but with rules and provisions and shockingly, a time table for withdrawl. Bush says he will veto it and he does. So, it gets sent back and instead of the dems truly getting a backbone and sending the bill back...they cave and send a bill they know he will sign. What are they there for...if they aren't willing to send up legislation that they actually believe in?

I support the ideas of the democratic party...but the actual party? not so much. The Republicans are right...we are a bunch of wimps. We behave like scared little abused puppy dogs. Ick.

So, yes...Affleck hit the nail right on the head. He's right...like a million percent. Now thinking Gigli was a good movie to make, he'll never be right about that! *winks*

VA Tech Picture

I don't know why, but this picture always seems to resonate with me...of people, common students just standing there....watching...wondering what is going on...if people they know are hurt or killed...not knowing what really happened or why. *shrugs* The first time I saw it on the news last night...it just broke my heart.

I am still pretty overwhelmed by what happened yesterday at Virginia Tech. I just can't get my head around what happened...and why someone would do that. I am just constantly shaking my head.

I do think that the media is being unfair to the administrators and campus police. I understand that what happened is a huge tragedy...and that there are so many people dead or injured, but I don't think the President should be asked to resign because of it. I think they dealt with the situation the best that they could...and they thought they were keeping their students safe. They didn't have a magic ball and couldn't predict what would happen after the first shooting. We still don't know if the first and second shootings were done by the same person. We don't know if it was all part of a master plan. If we don't know now...after it happened...how can we expect the school and those in charge to know? Yes, the students didn't get emails as it happened, but in some way...I get that. I get it that they felt it was a domestic, isolated incident at the time (and who knows...the first shooting could still be)...so they felt sending a panicked email out to the whole campus and shutting down the campus would have been a mistake and made more chaos, etc. And who knows...if they closed down the campus...and since the second shooter was an on campus student...maybe it would have made them sitting ducks even more??? We just don't know and I guess that is my point. We don't know. The President of the school didn't know...the campus police didn't know.

I feel for the families of those who were hurt, killed and those who weren't. I feel for the school and what legacy they will now have. This is a huge tragedy all around...and I just hope we try to heal before we go looking for people's heads...and people to blame.

My heart just breaks for all those people at Virginia Tech. My thoughts are with you.

This is completely me...

I stole this picture from Post Secret. Take a look.




I could have written that post card...that is completely me. I am the most judgemental person in the grocery store. I look at you. I look at your size. I look at what is in your cart...and then I judge the choices you have made. In my head I decide what you SHOULD be buying instead...and how much of a healthier choice that would have been.

I know it's bad...I know it is shameful. I know it isn't helpful...in any way...but I have a hard time not doing it.

Now of course...when I am buying chips and ice cream and chocolate...and people are doing it to me. Mind your fuckin' business!

So...do you look and judge when in the grocery store?? Do you see people judging you and what you are buying?? Just curious.

observations sermations....

Hey y'all....I can't believe I haven't posted since sometime on Wednesday...that's just so not like me lately. I didn't do a Thursday Thirteen...I didn't post about my weekend or movies I watched. It's not because I was incredibly busy...and I did log on a couple of times, I just didn't feel like I had a heck of a lot to say...ya know?

But I decided to make this post...the things I would have said over the end of the week and the weekend.

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First off...my heart goes out to Elizabeth Edwards and her family. That woman just seems so amazing and this cancer return just seems so unfair. And watching the Press Conference with John and Elizabeth...it's just so apparent how much they love one another and are committed to one another. I don't think John will have much chance of being President...but I admire him and especially his wife so much. My heart just breaks for them.

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My dad had a job interview on Friday with a company in town...it's actually the company he used to work for back in the 90s. He said the interview went well...and expected to hear an offer. And he was right...he got the offer in the mail on Saturday. He is pretty sure he is going to take it...the money is about the same...and he won't have to commute anymore, which will be such a gift. It will save thousands of dollars a year in gas money...and it will also give my dad 2 hours back in his day. I am so happy for him.

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I am going to Florida next week...and I am excited. I haven't seen my brother in a few years and I actually have never seen my little, adorable nephew. I can't believe he is 2 and a half and I haven't made it down yet. Money has been tight, so I did the best I could....but I am so excited to see him. Now, I wish I hadn't spent the last 6 months gaining weight...as I am preparing to head down to sunny Florida, but well...it won't be the end of the world, eh?

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You know...I am kind of a sarcastic soul. No, you say! Well...I think that is just a little bit of an example of it. I often try to be funny...and sometimes I am successful at it, but it is often a sarcastic joke, etc. A couple of times my roommate has mentioned in a joking manner that I am just mean...and well, once okay...but a couple of times or more...it makes me think that she means it. So, it is something I am going to work on. I am not sure how good I am going to be at it...since i have been sarcastic since birth, but I am going to try. I like that I am a funny person, but not if it hurts people's feelings.

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I have been feeling a little more blue or down lately...a smidge depressed. It's not like I can't get out of bed or anything...just haven't been feeling great. I think part of it is that I haven't been sleeping all that well...and the biggest part is that I have been gaining or at least not losing weight. Plus...I haven't been working out like I need to. So, when I get back from Florida...I am getting a real, honest to goodness plan. I know I feel better when I move more. I know I feel better when I eat better. So, I need to take all these things I know...and actually start doing them. I think it will help my mood...and help me get back to the perky, smiley person I usually am.

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I think that's about it for now...see, I had plenty of stuff to talk about, I just didn't feel like writing anything. That happens sometimes!

9 Steps to Regain Your Self-Esteem...

I found this article when I was surfing around online...and thought I would share. I am going to just list the 9 Steps and then my response to them, so if you want to read the whole article, click here.

1. Beware of fake promises: Magazines and TV ads promise you thousands of ways to attain happiness and self-esteem via the products they sell. Some of these promises are as outrageous as can be. Be aware that your commitment to a better life with a healthier body can come to you overnight, but the end goal rarely does. It takes work. Embrace that fact and you will not be fooled by all the fake promises.

I can't agree with this more...I get so easily sucked into those "quick" scams which will make me prettier, thinner and just more popular in 2 easy steps... I always have to remind myself that the race is slow and steady...and that if I reach my goal weight, etc...it's not as if a magic wand will be swished around and all will be right with the world.

2. Understand that what you see in the media is not reality but a moment that has been created and adapted to fit a stereotype. A stereotype is a belief that is applied to all members of a particular group, which is deceiving to say the least.

This is true...but it effects me less, kind of. I mean...think about Friends for example. It's a show where everyone is a size 2 or less...where they all have great jobs and live in a swanky apartment...and in the middle of NYC...there are NO black people...no MUSLIMS.... TV isn't reality...it's there to entertain you, not much more. The Real World is another great example...I watch it...cause it horribly trashy, but it's just about the most unreal thing I have seen in the last decade.

3. Be truthful to yourself about your shape and size. Most likely, your body is a result of genetics and environmental history.

Well...this is kind of true. I do think that people need to accept and love their body, no matter what shape or size. Now, I say this...but I do a piss poor job of actually doing it. I look at myself and my expanding waist line and just shake my head, but we shouldn't let it define WHO WE ARE. Now...do I think it is all genetics and environment? Well...sure, but let's be clear that enviroment is also the choice to eat at Taco Bell twice a week and not workout. Are they habits we learned when growing up which are hella hard to break? Sure...but that doesn't mean that we are destined to be a certain shape and size...we have control, even if it is one of the hardest things in the world.

4. Be aware that your body will change with monthly cycles, eating habits, and even mental state. It is normal, and it happens to all of us.

Well, yes...but it also can be a nice excuse. My body doesn't change too much during my cycle...as long as I don't hunker down and eat tons of chocolate and pizza. My body doesn't change too much when I am depressed...unless I eat uncontrollably. I think that for people like me..who are emotional and stress eaters...it's important to note our moods and at least realize why we are eating more or working out less, etc. It's not something to ignore...and to realize that if we punish ourselves we are just making it worse.

5. Be gentle with yourself. Accept yourself as the perfect creature that you are.

Hardest thing on the planet to do...but yes, we should. It's interesting because I feel that way about other people ALL the time...that they should see their positives and should love themselves more...but do I love myself for "just who I am." Well...not on most days.

6. Stay away from using stereotypes or terms that are degrading to women (or anyone for that matter). Negative thinking will only bring you negative energy.

Okay...except when they are funny...cause sometimes we all just need to laugh. I use the c word...I think it is hilarious. So, it isn't negative thinking for me...calling myself a fat piece of sludge is negative thinking...calling myself a snarky bitch, now that's just comedy.

7. Remind yourself of all the beautiful things that make you an individual.

I do this a lot better than I used to...because I know that I have gifts and that I bring things to the table. I know I am a good friend. I know that I speak the truth. I know that I try my best to be considerate of other people and their feelings. It's nice to remember the good...so we don't get toppled by the bad.

8. You do not have to do this alone. Ask for support from friends and family.

I am lucky. I have a great group of girlfriends...and a wonderful set of work friends. It's nice to have people around you who value you...and who you value. Plus...I couldn't ask for a better family....there was a time that I completely took them for granted, but not anymore...nope.

9. Stop obsessing over it. The world around is so much bigger than us (infinite to be exact) and is moving so fast that your life may pass you by and while you were stressing over your image. Isn' t it more worth it to spend your energy with friends and family enjoying life and having fun?

It sure is...easier said than done though. I am working on it...work in progress...work in progress! give me a break...or I will have bad self-esteem about my bad self-esteem! *giggles*

My Future's So Bright...I Gotta Wear Shades!

*giggles* Today is the first day that it really feels like Spring. It was still a little nippy when I woke up, but the sun was shining and the air just smelled new and clean. I threw my sunglasses on and headed my way into work. I am horrible when it comes to shades...I always have to buy at least a couple of pairs each year. I break them, I lose them, I loan them out and don't get them back. I was amazed I still had my sunglasses in my car this morning when I went to go look for them. But even with that one pair, I have to buy a couple more pairs this spring/summer and who knows...maybe I will even buy a pair of Designer Sunglasses. At Optics Planet they have a lot of different types of shades...aviator sunglasses, polarized, prescription sunglasses and they even have practical things like shooting glasses and safety glasses (remember those bad boys from middle school science class). I usually end up buying a cheap $10 pair from some place like Target or Wal-Mart, but I might give their site a second glance especially since all orders over $29.95 have free shipping and handling.

I am still so excited that it is actually starting to feel like spring...and I might need to consider buying a new pair of shades.

Damn Daylight Savings Time

I am not used to changing my clocks this early....I don't like...my computer doesn't like it. grr. My alarm went off this morning at 6am (or so I thought)...and I snoozed it a couple of times and lounged in bed. I started to get up at 7am (or so I thought) and then I heard my roommate ask if I was up...because she knew I usually need to be at my mom's for church at 8am and it is 8am now.

So...thanks Daylight Savings Time...for making me almost late for church. I quickly got dressed, ran out of the house, drove like a carzy woman to my parents' house...and then was off to church. We made it in time for the 8:30am service, but just by the skin of our teeth.

I think I liked it better when I lived in Indiana and Daylight Savings Time didn't exist.