Saturday, November 30, 2002

Today I woke up and really didn't know what day it was....I think having Thanksgiving in the middle of the week really threw me off.

There is some sad news of sorts. My mom has been admitted to the hospital again. My mom is a diabetic...she's been one for about 10 years. She has some major circulation problems, especially in her feet. She noticed that one of her toes was red the other day and when she went in to the hospital for some standard blood work on thursday, they kept her for a few hours. My dad called me on Friday to tell me that they admitted her because of the infection in her foot. It looks like she will be having surgery again on her toe and that they might just remove it this time to hopefully stop the constant problems. She seems in good spirits, but this is a constant cycle for her...things get better and then the infection comes back. How can she not start to feel hopeless about it?

And at times like this...I wish I wasn't so far away. I know I couldn't do a lot for her if I was there, but just being there would be nice...for her and for me. One of the last times she was in the hospital, I just randomly ended up being home...and it was nice to go in and visit her everyday and bring her things she needs. I miss not being able to do that for her now.

So...if you feel like it, send my mom some good thoughts!

Thursday, November 28, 2002

UJ: thankful!

Happy know as you grow grow just a tad less selfish with each year, or at least I hope that most people do. I remember when I was little...and Thanksgiving was all about me and what I was going to eat and where I was going to sit and who was going to control the TV. When we went around the table and said the things we were thankful for...I barely thought about it. I would say something silly like "no homework over break." I kinda lived in my own bubble....and as I have grown, I have seen how much I truly have to be thankful and grateful for.

I had a great Thanksgiving today. I worked at Shalom, which didn't really seem like work. I got up at 5am and was at Shalom at about 6am-ish. Most of the people weren't going to be there until 7am, but I was afraid that a few would be there earlier...and I didn't want anyone waiting outside in the freezing cold. Well...what a day we had. We had so many was spentiful. The room was filled with a thankful and loving spirit. We cooked an amazing breakfast and had enough food to feed all those who wanted and needed food...not only once over, but twice or three times. I enjoyed just sitting with people and chatting about their lives....and it is wonderful to watch the interactions.

And then in the late afternoon....I went to my friend's home and spent some time with her family. We had a great Thanksgiving dinner. Her family has really taken me in...I feel like they are my Indiana family. I have spent many a holidays with them and always feel welcome. Her family is so wonderful too....they have so much spunk. There was constant laughing and joking around the table. I don't even think I can describe how wonderful it was to spend time with them this evening....even if I was dead tired and it was a little less than an hour drive. It was worth it and I am thankful beyond words.

So...I was thinking about the things I am thankful for and here is a small sample:

1. I am thankful for my family...who I missed spending the day with today. I loving miss my Mom, my Dad and yep...even my brother. This is the first Thanksgiving I wasn't with them...but was thinking of them often.

2. I am thankful for my Indiana family....I moved here not knowing a soul and now feel quite loved.

3. I am thankful for Shalom and all that it brings to my life. I noticed how blessed I was while I was with the group today eating brunch....that Shalom is my job. I get paid for doing what I amazing!

4. I am thankful for all my friends in my life...all those close and far away. I don't think I always value my friends as I should.....and that really is a crime since I have some of the best friends that a gal can have.

5. I am thankful for someone having a hard time today and wanting a hug from me to make it better. It gived me such great joy to be able to be a source of comfort to someone.

6. I am thankful for the opportunities in my life. I was raised with the "You can do ANYTHING" attitude.....and so many doors have opened for me that I know remain locked for others.

7. I am thankful for those people in my life who believe in me and support me.

8. I am thankful for the humor in the world....and having the skill to be able to make people laugh. It's something I treasure.

9. I am thankful that I have convictions and that I am not afraid to stand up for what I believe in.

10. I am thankful for the open minds in the world....who are willing to listen, even if they never intend to agree.

11. I am thankful for comfort food, great TV shows, email, pesto pasta, trashy TV shows, music that makes me think about my life, the word hummina, etc....

12. Finally...I am thankful that I will have the opportunity to be thankful for countless things tomorrow.

Enjoy the day....with all that it brings.


Wednesday, November 27, 2002

UJ: wallflowers rocked!

I got back from the Wallflowers show last night about 1 am and what a great show! I went with 3 friends....and we all were pretty lucky, since none of us had to pay for our tickets.

We talked in about a half an hour before the show was going to start...and who do I see first? Moe Z! He was milling around the crowd just as he used to do before Mellencamp shows. I went up and said hello....since I always love seeing Moe. He was so nice...he face lit up and he gave me the nicest, warmest hug.

We talked for a little bit...I mentioned how much I missed him on Mellencamp's stage. He asked how this leg of the tour was going.... He seems pretty happy with the Wallflowers. He was so darling cute...i mentioned I was glad he joined the Wallflowers since they are a band I like. He said..."yeah, if I joined a band that no one liked then you all would drop me and never see me again." aww...I wanted to give him a hug...ooh, I already did! I told him we adored him and were more loyal than that. He said to say hello to all the mellencamp fans for him...and that he really enjoys seeing Mellencamp fans at the shows. was SO nice to see him.

The opening band was horrible. They are called OURS and they were this evil band, which sometimes seemed pop and sometimes seemed thrash heavy metal. There was a lot of yelling and screaming of the lead singer on stage. To amuse ourselves while they played, my friends and I mocked them.

The Wallflowers were great....the played a great mix of hits and songs that I hadn't heard as well. It was a great show. Jakob did say that he was sick and lost his voice the day before...and that he was feeling better and heavily medicated (lol) but sometimes you could hear the strain in his voice. Poor kid needs some days off! At about the third song, there was some yelling and chanting for Moe Z....cause we all love him so. Jakob stopped and said, yep...that's Moe Z! He said that since they were in Indiana which was Moe's stomping ground, that Moe was in charge and the boss tonight. Jakob also said that the band was riding Moe's coat tails tonight. He seemed to be having a lot of fun with it....and then Moe introed Sixth Avenue Heartache (which Jake said was Moe's fav song) and Moe played a great keyboard solo in the middle of it. Moe got a great applause after the song was over.

Moe was his usual self on stage....dancing and moving with the music. One of the many things I love about Moe is that the music is so alive in him. He experiences the music completely...and that is something that can't help but be contagious. I do miss that there isn't a raised stage for Moe to jump back and forth on, since I always enjoyed watching that.....but he was classic Moe and I was so happy to be watching him. The Wallflowers are a lucky band to have him...and I wonder if John knows what he is missing!

I am so so glad I won the tickets.....because it was a great night and a great show! I will definitely have to see the Wallflowers again, even if I have to pay for it!


P.S. I even missed 24 last night to see the lovely Wallflowers. But I taped it and it's been watched....another great episode!

Tuesday, November 26, 2002

UJ: wallflowers

I am going to see the Wallflowers tonight. I am quite excited. I didn't really have the money to go to the show, so I thought I would miss them this time around. But I heard about this contest on the radio and thought, why not...and signed up on the internet. I got an email on Saturday and was excited to hear that I won. So, I am heading down to the show....and plan on having a ball and singing along.

And of course, Moe is now in the Wallflowers...and it will be great to see him on stage again. He is such a dynamic performer.

gonna have fun, fun, fun.....

Friday, November 22, 2002

UJ: one of those crazy days....

today was just one of those hectic days...filled with chaos. I love the work that I do and would not want to do anything else, but some is harder than others.

Here is a quick overview...we had one guest who is going through withdrawl and is pretty much not himself, non responsive and just in a lot of pain. It's difficult because there isn't a lot we can do to help him.

I also had to call the paramedics to Shalom twice for a woman whose legs were hurting so badly she couldn't walk and another for a man who was having seizures.

And then, I spent time talking with a woman who has a lot of things going on...and has some mental health things that she is not willing to recognize. The delusions and paranoia are sometimes difficult to sit with.

And about 3 minutes before closing I had someone enter with a problem that should have taken hours. It always seems like these things happen on Fridays when there isn't a tomorrow to be dealing with. This person needed some help and it would have been horrible to have to wait until Monday. We found a solution wasn't the perfect one, but it was one that both of us could live with.

It was a difficult day, but not a bad one....I know this kind of work will have days like that. Sometimes it is more often that just gets hard and you have to remind yourself not to get overwhelmed in the moment. Probably the most difficult thing is that with all the constant stimulation at work, all I ate today was a now, I have quite the headache and my tummy is rumbling.

Time to eat...I hope everyone has a great weekend. I plan on cleaning some of the apartment and doing some shopping. It may sound boring to some, but it sounds great to me.


Wednesday, November 20, 2002

UJ: chillly morning....

Hey all! It's getting to that cold time again....when you come out to your car in the morning and it is covered in frost....and I heard on the weather report that it is going to get SUPER cold in the next few days. It's time for me to pull out my turtlenecks and wool sweaters and all that jazz.

And the sickness update....I am finally started to feel better. My boss, who is a sweetheart, she gave me monday off and I think it really helped. I didn't really do anything over the weekend and just rested. My throat is still kind of scratchy and my voice hasn't returned yet....but I am feeling so so much better. You know, I have never had a cold hang around for so long. I was quite sick for over two that is just wrong. I called in to my night job for two whole weeks.

Alright...gotta get back to work....oops.....shouldn't be online.

Saturday, November 16, 2002

UJ: forgiveness

hey there. i am having a's about when someone did something that hurt you. So, if they apologize...and most of you really doesn't want to accept it. What do you do?

Part of me knows that not accepting the apology would only be hurting me, but at the same time there is the other part of me which says that sometimes people don't deserve it. The latter seems like the less mature response...but honestly the one I want to go with. Especially when someone has a history of doing the same thing over and over again and thinking that an "I'm sorry" makes it all go away.

Sometimes I think forgiving someone just gives them the ability to do it to you again...

Oh, I don't know....if you know, feel free to enlighten me!

Wednesday, November 13, 2002

UJ: 'tis a good day....

I am still feeling kind of under the weather, but I am starting to feel better. I finally called my night job and officially told them I would not be coming back, since I don't enjoy the work and that I am still not feeling well.

What is so wonderful that while I was at work at Shalom something quite wonderful happened. I was talking with one of our guests....and he showed me one of his paintings. He is an amazing artist...and he is making prints out of some of his work. After we finished talking, he handed me one of his prints for me to keep. It is such a beautiful drawing of the fall trees....I might try scanning it and adding it to one of my webpages somewhere. This man has such talent...and I feel so privelidged that he honored me with one of his prints.

And sometimes when I think of the perception in society that those who are homeless or in poverty don't have any skills....I just think of this man and I know how very wrong they are.

And...I got an email from a friend yesterday who I hadn't spoken to in a little while...because we were busy and because we just hadn't taken the time, so that was quite nice to hear from her...and start that channel of communication again. You know, I am quite blessed with the wonderful friends I have in my life....even if I don't always remember it.

take care all....

Monday, November 11, 2002

UJ: I should be sleeping....

but I'm not! Nope, instead I am coughing and watching 24. I figured I could at least be entertained while coughing up a lung!

Yep, you guessed it...I am still sick. This cold just won't go away. I think the cold is coming to an end though, so that I am at least happy about. But I always hate it when you cough enough that your abs hurt...I guess this is my own way of working out! lol I called into my night job again tonight...this is becoming a habit. If it wasn't my last week of work, I might care a little more...but well, I just don't. My boss could call me right now and tell me that she has no choice but to fire me and well, I would be fine with that!

One of my friends from grad school called tonight. I was so happy to hear from her. She invited me to this little dinner and pottery making thing that a bunch of people I went to school with were going to...unfortunately, I had to decline, since I won't be able to drive into Indy on Thursday evening, but it was so nice to get the offer and to hear from her.

Alright, I think that is it for tonight. Once I finally lick this cold, I promise...I will be perky and happy and have positive things to share!

*winks...and coughs*

Saturday, November 09, 2002

UJ: *glares at my car*

I dropped my car off last night to get fixed...there were a few little things going wrong with it and the heating system is all messed up, which means that my windshield is constantly getting foggy whenever it rains...and it is pretty much undriveable. *grumbles*

They are fixing it should be ready in a few hours....and it isn't an inexpensive fix. OH well, it could have been a lot worse...and I always remember that I was lucky enough to not have to pay for my car when I got it (thanks mom and dad!)

So today...since I am trapped in the house, I am going to do nothing, but watch some movies. So, welcome to my lazy saturday!

Oh yeah...and cough...since I am still sick. *cough* *cough* damn this cold....

enough complaining for me....well, at least for now.

Thursday, November 07, 2002

UJ: sick

I am still sick....*coughs*

I hate being sick. damn it.

Wednesday, November 06, 2002

UJ: the never ending cold.....

I have this cold that just won't go away. It started as a stuffed up nose and head and then went away....and now I have quite the sore throat. I just loathe being gets in the way of the things I want to do. I don't mind going to work sick at Shalom because I seem to not notice I am sick there, but my night job....grumbles....

It is doing phone work and having to talk on the phone just reminds me every moment that I am sick. I am tempted to call in...really really really tempted!

Today might be a great day to just lounge in bed and watch soap operas....


Tuesday, November 05, 2002

UJ: elections

it's a rainy tuesday out there! I got up a little early today since it is election day, so I could get out there and vote. Only one problem....I didn't know where my polling location was, since this is the first time I have voted in Bloomington. So, I was on a mad hunt on the net to find my polling place.....and you wanna know why I like democrats? well...many reasons, but one of them is that one of the main democratic sites had all the voting locations on their site. I found nothing on the Republican sites directing me where to vote. So, let's just say that the Democratic party was rewarding for assisting me in finding my polling location.

So, did you all vote today? I know it isn't a presidential election, but in my always matters. I have never missed an election since I turned 18 and am was allowed to vote.

SO HERE IS MY PLEA....IF YOU ARE REGISTERED TO VOTE, PLEASE GET OUT AND VOTE! I don't care who you vote for (well, i do....) but I just want people to vote.

Oh...I emailed Heather, my friend and fellow crew member from when I was at Horizon House....and I gave her the web address for my online journal, so if she reads this.....


ok, back to work.....

Monday, November 04, 2002

UJ: mellen-experiences

hey's almost 2:30am and I just walked into the door from a Mellencamp show. They are SO amazing....part of me always forgets just how wonderful the shows are until I go to another one. This one was in Bloomington....where both John and I live (not together....don't I wish! lol).

Hmm...what can I say at this tired state except for AWESOME! The show was just about 2 hours...maybe a little less and he was rocking the whole time. I was in the FOURTH ROW I got to see the sweat on his face and his BELLY BUTTON at one point as well (hummina).

One sad note....this is the first live show I have seen without Moe Z M.D. who used to be John's keyboard player. It is sad to not see Moe up on stage dancing away....and it does feel like something is missing. For me...Moe is part of the Mellencamp experience and without him, part of the overall picture is missing. I am sure that with time, I will adjust.....but right now all I can say is that I MISS MOE and what he brought to the band. He was so wonderful on stage...and also such a nice, open, warm and wonderful man everytime we chatted. I'll greatly miss him everytime I see Mellencamp from now on. I was quite pouty about it tonight...and in complete denial that Moe wasn't there.... *pouts* I imagine the pouting will continue for a while to come....

Hmm...also got to see a bunch of my mellenfriends...and that is really what the shows are all about, seeing those lovely friends that I rarely get to see. I got to see Joy, Sharon, Hoyt, Tony B, Mary, Nikki (all the way from NH), Girt, Kevin...and more people that I am forgetting to mention. Seeing them is one of the reasons I enjoy mellencamp shows so much. After the show, we went back to Joy's room and just hung out and chatted forever...and caught up since the last time we saw a show together. We also got a call from Gerri in TX, who couldn't join us....which was a wonderful addition to the night. Oh...and also got to chit chat with Jon E Gee's (Mellencamp's bass player) wife for a little bit since I saw her in the audience. She is such a sweet woman...and we talked about her kids, etc... Both she and Jon are two of the kindest people I have ever met.

See....this mellencamp obsession as some call it....not everyone understands it, but it really is a community. We are a great group of people...who have this wonderous bond of John's music that has brought us together...but we are so much more than just fans, we truly in many senses feel like family. I love seeing these faces at shows....these familiar faces. It is our own Mellenheads family reunion everytime there is a show.....and I can't wait for the next one!'s way too late for me to be up since I have to work tomorrow....night all....and sweet mellendreaming to you!