Wednesday, July 30, 2003

UJ: baaackkkk!

Hello....I tried to update this last night, but the ujournal site was down. Maybe the internet gods were telling me to go to bed....

I left yesterday morning at a little before 3am.....and got home a tad bit before 4pm. It was a long trip, but I am not sure it felt that long. I didn't speed too much on the way home though. I set my cruise control to 75 and just coasted the whole way home. It didn't add that much time and gave me a lot of piece of mind since I didn't have to always be worrying that a cop was behind me....just waiting to issue a ticket. I mean...I know they will give you a ticket for going 75, but isn't likely.

One thing I noticed...and I do it every time I travel. I never stop to eat. I get a bag of chips, etc and a couple diet sodas and I just stop to get gas and get back on the road. I don't take care of myself too well when I am on the fact, I don't take care of myself too well in general. This instance just shows it to me in a way that I get. I am too concerned with time and getting there....that when I get home....I am so hungry and so tired, that I can barely see straight.

I also brought my bike out to Indiana. I hope to start riding it to work. It's about 2 miles, so I think it will be nice exercise there and back. will save me gas mileage, etc. I am not going to ride it today, but maybe tomorrow. I just plan on checking the weather report in the morning...and if it isn't going to rain, I think I will be biking it.

And I did NOT bring out my cat. I had a pretty lengthy conversation with my parents about it. I think my cat will always be my cat, but her home is with my parents. And I think my dad would miss her more than he wants to say. He was the one who mentioned twice that it would be more than OK if I chose to leave her home.

And I talked with them about how I have my lease here for about one more year...and after that I imagine I am moving in some sense. Either to somewhere else in Bloomington/Indiana or somewhere else altogether. A lot of things became clear to me when I was home. I saw family and friends. I saw my best friend in Vermont....and began wondering why I live so far away from her. Just hanging out with her is good medicine for me. I have a few friends here in Indiana....but since I have been not getting along well with one of reminds me of the unconditional level of support I have in NY and VT. So, I am starting to think about it.....but I might be making a move back east in the end of a year. I will keep you posted.

Oh...and I am also seriously thinking about joining the Peace Corps too. It would be a great opportunity....and I think something I would just love. parents nicely bought me lotsa groceries, so I am gonna go and make some breakfast! Mmmmm......

Enjoy the least here, it looks beautiful out!

Monday, July 28, 2003

UJ: in vermont.....

Hey all! Just a quick check in that I am visiting with my friend in Vermont. She's absolutely quacktastic!

Saturday, July 26, 2003

UJ: safe and sound

Hi All! I arrived in NY safe and I am about to embark on a few days of rest!

I hope everyone else enjoys their weekend as well....

I am slightly reconsidering bringing my cat back with me....I am just not sure it is the right time. I have to pay $400 as a pet deposit to have her and right now money is quite tight. Plus, I am not home a lot, so I am not sure she would enjoy living with me as much as she enjoys living with my parents. I don't think I will make a complete decision until Monday night, but right now....I am leaning towards leaving her here.

Thursday, July 24, 2003

UJ: yippee!

I am a happy girl...I just talked to one of my best friends who lives in Vermont and I am going to get to see her while I am home. I am very very very happy!

She is one of the people in the world who grounds me....just talking to her for the last 45 minutes was SO helpful!

UJ: monopoly

FYI- Online Monopoly is wildly addicting! Sometimes I end up playing it for hours at a time....


UJ: 3 hours til vacation! is almost here. Tonight I have to do a couple of things, pack up the car and then get to bed early.

I am looking forward to being with my family...and just taking a break.

yawns...but yawning is a good thing, since I am supposed to go to sleep early tonight, so I can head out on the road tomorrow morning at 3am!

Wish my luck and lots of relaxation!



P.S. I visited the kitties today at the animal shelter and oh lord....I wanted one kitten SO badly....but until I get Trinity home and settled, it would be unfair to get a cat.

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

UJ: no subject

I am SO looking forward to some time off....I drive home in the wee hours of the morning and come back on Tuesday. It'll be nice to be home.....spending time with my family and just relaxing. We don't have any real plans....just planning on hanging out together. PLUS...when I come back, I am brining my kitty with me!

Which means.....I wanna try to have my apartment clean before I go, so she doesn't return to the place in shambles.

Is it Friday yet?
Is it Friday yet?
Is it Friday yet? it?

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

UJ: hmmpf...

You know....there are times in life when you want to just shake people and say, "Sometimes the world isn't just about YOU!"


Monday, July 21, 2003

UJ: happy happy joy joy!

Hey all....I am a happy camper today. About time, eh? Last week the meeting with my boss was stressful and intense...and didn't give me happy thoughts about working another year and a half under this grant which funds us. was nothing like that.

First....there is this baby bunny that lives in the trees and bushes just outside my office. I have seen it hopping around from time to time...and seeing it just makes me so happy. The little bunny was out and hopping around this morning, so it was a nice note to start the day from. It's just SO cute. It's tiny...about the size of the palm of my hand.!

And my meeting went really well...I think we found a way to make the rest of the term of the grant work, without driving me crazy. I didn't think that was possible, but once we put our heads together and looked for a solution, we were able to find one. I don't feel as hopeless as I did last week.

AND....I got 3 days of vacation coming. I am taking this Friday, next Monday and next Tuesday off....which is much needed. I am going to take the days and drive home to be with my family in NY, instead of them coming out to be with me. It seems like the best option. I could get a little more time than my parents could....and it seems easier for me to go there. I am REALLY looking forward to it!

So....the world seems better today. I am feeling much more like myself...and that is a good thing. I think it helped...having a good weekend....hanging out with some friends who seem to know how to listen....and then having the same kind of support at work.

happy happy thoughts....

Thursday, July 17, 2003

UJ: no subject

How insane is this? Someone wasn't able to control their 10 people died and 44 were injured. One of the people who died was a baby who was only 7 and a half months old. I have often said that people should be required to take their driver's test again every 5 years. Maybe then this guy would not have been on the road....

This is just horrific.....

UJ: sign language

One of my coworkers...she is working with a family who is teaching their daughter sign language. So, each week...this coworker and I learn some new words to sign. So far these are the words that Shelley can sign:











My coworker and I spent about an hour the other day looking up words online and practicing how to sign's quite fun! What makes us giddy and happy is signing quirky things like "I LOVE SHOES" to one another!'s amazing how we amuse ourselves at work!

UJ: blah blah blah.....

As obvious by some of my posting as of late...I have been feeling very blah. Nothing is much more different than any other time, but it is just getting to me a tad bit more. All these issues with work were here two weeks ago....but I didn't feel so hopeless about it. I feel like I am working away....but not sure what or for whom things are getting done. I feel like the people making the decisions and handing out the money...have no real grasp of what is out there and what it means to a family who is in crisis.

and I said I had a small falling out with a friend...and a couple of weeks ago...I would have been fine. I would have gotten over it that day and moved on. But not this time...I am holding onto it. I am seemingly holding a grudge for something that is very small. And since then, we haven't talked or anything. We usually watch TV at her place on Monday and Tuesday nights, but no call or anything this week. I took it as a sign that if she wanted me around...she would call. Who knows....maybe she is waiting for me to call as well. At this point, I think I am just being hurt and stubborn....and not gonna call. It's been 4 days....and it may continue for many more.

So...the blah blah blahs continue.....I know what I want the remedy to be.....I want to take a week and go to Vermont. I was to hop in the car and visit one of bestest friends from college and hang out with my parents. It's amazing how comforting that seems to me right now.....

So...if you are so inclined...feel free to send me a raunchy, non-PC, funny might be just what I need!

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

UJ: today doesn't feel like wednesday....

I don't know what day it feels like, but it just doesn't feel like a Wednesday.

I had the longest meeting at work yesterday.....we have a monthly meeting with all the connected centers and the grant funders and it just is the meeting that never ends. But luckily, a co-worker and I spent the rest of the day just being silly and non-productive! That made it a little better!

I talked with my parents last weekend. If everything works out, they are going to come out and visit next weekend. They are going to bring out my bike....since I have wanted to be able to bike around town and to work on occasion....and they are going to bring out my cat. I will enjoy having her here and might just feel like an adult....given that I will finally be able to take care of MY cat! I think my parents are going to miss her more than they are saying.

So...I am more than excited! I only wish they could stay out here longer.

Monday, July 14, 2003

UJ: crabby....


Yep...that means I am in quite a foul mood. I just don't feel good...I'd like to say it is that I am coming down something, but it isn't. I can tell it is stress that is building...and just feeling emotionally crummy, which then makes you feel physically crummy.

I just feel some things slipping away.... I am getting more frustrated with work everyday....and it seems like it is going to get worse before it gets better. I started searching some of the want ads today....I don't want to go anywhere just yet, but I want to keep my options open.

And yesterday...I had a not so great day with some friends. I just felt like really unappreciated....even though nothing huge happened. I just felt like I was left behind...and not thought of as much as I should have been. It seemed like everyone else was thought of and then...oh yeah....there's Shelley. I don't think that feeling is real, but it is still how I feel...and it sucks! I don't have as many friends out here as I had when I was in college...and sometimes I really feel that. Yesterday was one of those days.

So...I am annoyed. I am at work and cranky....having constant meetings which just drain me. I think I need a vacation...and sadly one isn't coming for a while.

I think I just need some alone think and get my head together. Or maybe that is the last thing I need....


Sunday, July 13, 2003

UJ: slept in


I am quite a happy camper this morning! I slept in until 10:30am, which is something that never usually happens for me. I woke up at 8:30am and was all grumbly...but then I was actually able to fall back asleep. Usually, once I wake up...I am awake. So, I actually feel rested for the first time in a long while.....and what a beautious feeling!

And now...some friends and I are taking their dog to the park and going to enjoy the day!

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

UJ: cleaning day...

I have the day off today....and I am attempting to clean the apartment. It is just getting to messy.

But..note the word ATTEMPT in that sentence. Cleaning is not something I do well....I wish I had that skill.

Wish me luck!

UJ: grumbles

work SUCKED yesterday....but today I have the day off, so that makes it worth it.

We had a meeting with the grant people....and with a room full of got really petty. It's amazing how easily people personalize things...people who should know better. So much of this is business....and so act like it! grrr....

It sometimes just makes the actually work...which is so important...not seem worth it.

And...for the young 25 year old that I am (who they thought was too young to have this job)...I was the one saying we needed to be professional...we needed to see the big picture....instead of just getting angry and hurt and seeming to be acting very reactionary. Well...we'll see how this all turns out.

Thursday, July 03, 2003

UJ: friends

I think sometimes when you have really wonderful tend to take them for granted and under-value them. It just seems like the norm that is how friends should be...and you don't realize how amazing and wonderful they are.

In the past few weeks, I have had some wonderful times and some stressful hard times with friends...and out of it all, it has made me really appreciate just how amazing they are. I think for me, a test of a great friend is someone who you can tell anything....who you don't worry that they will see you differently or judge you because of what you said. A friend is someone who you just want to hang reason for it, just to be around one another. A friend is someone who immediately pops into your head when something wonderful or something tragic happens and you know you just NEED to call that person and fill them in. A friend is someone who you can't imagine your life without.

I have been lucky to have more than my fair share of friends like that....and I think I am beginning to realize how lucky I am and to not take that for granted. I have one friend in particular out here.....who means more to me than I ever really realized. It's been a road for us...being very close, kind of growing apart and finding our way back to one another. But, she is a true gem....and someone who reminds me why it is so important to be a good friend. Who reminds me why friendship is one of the true gifts in life. Friendships and the support they give....and the opportunities they bring....make the hiccups in the road of life just a tad more bearable.

You know what is also sad....when you have had a friend like that and they are no longer your friend. I sent this internet quiz out to some friends about a week ago. It was a fun 10 question quiz about how well your friends know you. I sent it to many people...including someone who was once my best friend in college. Through a lot of drama...and well, heartache...we are no longer friends like that...I don't think we are even friends at all. Well, I sent her the quiz...I am not sure even why I sent it to her, but since I think that once someone becomes a friend of mine, I don't ever truly think of them as not-a-friend, etc. And as my own arm chair psychologist....I probably wanted to see if she would ever respond.

So, she responded. She took the quiz...and then sent me an email asking how I was. We haven't spoken person to person in over 3 years...and probably haven't emailed back in forth in about a year and a half. I haven't responded yet....I am not really sure what to do. I am not sure I want to open back up that friendship...that line of communication yet. I think that we went through a that one time best friends no longer really talk anymore. But on the other hand....she made the effort to send the email and ask how I was. She made the effort to fill out a quiz where she probably knew she wasn't going to do very well. I have started writing the email a couple of times....and ended up trashing it. It either ends up too mean...or too emotional...or too something. Aurghhh! reality, I did this dilemma to myself because I sent the quiz...I opened the door. And why did I do that? Hmm...very good question. It might take some significant therapy to answer that question!!!

So...that is where I am....looking at an email....knowing the right thing is to respond, but finding the best way to do that. Wish me luck!


P.S. Happy 4th of July everyone! Enjoy the fireworks!!!

P.S. (2) Just to let y'all know....Shelley still does not own a couch! I own a pretty car, but nothing that resembles a couch!