Sunday, May 30, 2004

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UJ: holy tornados and thunderstorms batman!

The weather yesterday was insane in these parts....

First...there were thunderstorms ALL day long. It would get all black and the sky would open up, lightening, rain and thunder...and then it would be okay for another hour...and then it would start all over again. I think we saw about 6 or 7 different thunderstorms.

And then at about 2pm or so...we started to get tornado warnings. There was a warning just a few miles from where I live...and I think a little one touched down. And then in Indianapolis...there was a pretty big one...which caused millions of dollars of damage and at least one person lost their life.

And today...the weather was beautiful. It was in the high 70s/low 80s...it wasn't humid...and there was a nice breeze. I went for a little hike and loved it. I wish all days could have weather like today.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

UJ: when it's time to go, it's time to go...

So, here is some big news....something I have been thinking about for weeks, well maybe months....but it is finally officially today.

I turned in my letter of resignation for my position today. I am going to move back to the east coast at the end of June...to be closer to my family and friends back east and to look for employment there.

It was so hard for me to decide...and to see if it was worth risking it. As of June 18th...I will be unemployed. Yep, that's a little scary, but you know what...it's also exciting. I am getting the chance to go out there and find out what it is that I want.

It's also worth it because it is about my happiness...I was at a job in an organization I loved, but because of how the program I was in was administrated, it became just a job...and was no longer a passion. I knew that even though I don't have another job to go to right NOW...that I need to move on to something else.

The sad part...the agency I work for is TOP NOTCH! They are doing amazing work, but sadly got saddled into a project that didn't allow them to follow that vision and passion...and unfortunately, that most effected me and the work that I did.

I gave the letter to my executive director...and he was nothing but supportive. He was really great about it. He talked about how wonderful it was for me...and how excited he was for the opportunities that were ahead of me. Can you ask for a more supportive work environment than that? It for a second...makes me want to stay. It lets me know what a great place I was at...

So, there is where I am at. I am heading back east...and quite excited about it. I have my resume out at numerous places and hopefully we be back doing work I love in no time...

Shelley

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

UJ: a job should never just be a paycheck

I am at work and bored out of my mind right now, so I thought I would post some random thoughts from that pretty little head of mine.

Yep, it's quiet as can be here...which is usually surprising for a Wednesday morning/afternoon. I had to be here and have the place open at 8am, so it meant actually being here at 7:30ish...and as soon as I get in, who calls? A telemarketer....we get business telemarketing calls all the time and let me tell you, if you thought the ones that called your home don't take no for an answer, well the ones that call businesses are even pushier.

They always ask for the manager or person in charge, which is me....and I have learned, I tell them to call back on Thursdays or anyday after 5pm, since on those days, I am never here. It means some lowly underpaid telemarketer is going to keep calling back and not getting me, but they seem to not understand.."I AM NOT INTERESTED!"

And yep, Shelley is seriously looking for another job. I spend a lot of time looking over the want ads...and who knows, something might come out of this. I love the organization I work with...their mission completely matches what I was set out to do, but unfortunately the program I am working with just does not work. The vision of my company gets shifted and changed because of the grant we are working under...and it is frustrating to me and the board of my organization because we see what good and impactful work could be done, if only we were allowed to.

So, since I don't see us fighting the good fight and winning...and being able to actually make a difference in lives of families in need...since we have been battling for a year and only making ourselves crazy, I am now looking to find another place where their vision and passion matches my own.

I am though...being very careful when I am looking. I know that if I don't find the *right* job for me, I will just find another one that will due...that gives me a paycheck and that just doesn't cut it for me. I need to feel that when I go to work...that the values I carry with me are also present at the job I work at. I need to be able to use my skills and talents...and to be able to be passionate about the work I do, especially when it requires long hours and small paychecks.

So, I am on the hunt...not sure what it means or what it will bring, but I can feel a difference in myself and how I see where I want my career to go. I think the time I spent at home was really valuable...it gave me some time away from my job and position to be able to really look at what I want out of a job and a career...and what I don't.

So, cross your fingers for me...and wish me luck.

Shelley

Monday, May 17, 2004

UJ: *grumbles*

Rant in T minus 5, 4, 3, 2, 1....

Ok, so you know what pisses me off? Well...it's when people write things they know are going to be controversial on their blog and then at the bottom make a little statement such as, "If you don't agree with me...that's fine, but I don't want to hear it. Go away." Etc...things along that line just really get on my nerves. I mean...I fully respect and actually honor someone who is willing to write about something they believe in...something that is important to them...something that they are passionate about, but to me...it pretty much discounts all that to put that kind of tagline at the bottom.

Cause you know what...you are left with a bunch of comments with people all agreeing with you...and telling you how right you are. Well...duh! You asked all those who don't agree with you to not say anything and to go away...so, well...let's see...maybe they did.

I say things in my journal all the time...that are partisan, that are close to my heart...and that I feel strongly and passionate about, but I welcome comments..I welcome to hear if people don't agree and why. I don't welcome being harassed and spammed, but to say that you aren't even open to a conversation. grrr...yep, gets under my skin.

And it bothers me even more when it is someone I like and respect who does it....

Oh well...I didn't post my comments, I went away. I may not agree with their opinion, but for sure...I can follow directions.

Rant officially over.

Shelley

Saturday, May 15, 2004

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UJ: enjoying my time

I made it home safe and sound...no tickets to speak of either!

I am really enjoying my time at home...spent some time with my family and spent a day in Vermont. I know that it is time to seriously and aggressively look for another job...and for one on the east coast.

So, it's only a matter of time before I head back east...and this time, for good.

I head back to Indiana tomorrow...another long drive, but I am ready for it.

Shelley

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

UJ: on the road again...

Hey all...tomorrow I am heading back east for a long, extended weekend, so wish me a safe trip!

I am headed home for a few reasons...most of all to spend some time with my family...and to spend some time reassessing my career goals and such.

It's a lot of driving...but well worth it, in my opinion.

Shelley

Monday, May 10, 2004

UJ: Shelley loves her mommy....

My mom doesn't read this...or at least, I don't think she does. But, I wanted to say Happy Mother's Day anyways...even if it is a day belated.

She is an amazing woman...and I am luckier than I have words to express that I am her daughter. Every once in a while, I think about how myparents have shaped who I am in my life. There are so many things they showed me...and taught me.

My mom and I are definitely different people. I don't think I appreciated that as much as I should when I was growing up. I love and respect her for it now...and how she loved and accepted me, even though she didn't always understand me.

My mom taught me many things....

-She taught me how to see the world...as full of opportunity.

-She taught me to stand up for myself.

-She taught me to find out for myself what the difference was between right and wrong.

-She taught me to be loving and accepting of those around me.

-She taught me to stand up for what I believe in, even if it isn't an easy thing to do.

-She taught me to think before acting.

-She taught me to always be asking questions and to continue seeking out answers.

-She taught me to question authority.

-She taught me to be compassionate and bold.

-She taught me to make my own decisions and to know why I am making them.

-She taught me about love and marriage...through her shining example.

-She taught me about thinking about others, while at the same time not losing yourself.

I know I wouldn't be the person I am without my mom...and for that, I am grateful. I was raised to think and ask questions...and to find my own answers and I can't even express how awed I am by that. My parents gave me freedom and responsibility. They way I see the world...and my place in it...is solely because of the world my parents showed me.

I love my mom...and wish I could have spent Mother's Day with her. I am heading home in a few days...for a long, extended weekend, so that will have to be good enough.

Friday, May 07, 2004

UJ: friends

I watched the last episode of friends last night...along with what was probably the rest of the nation. I always tend to get emotional on series finales...and I did...but not as much as I expected to. I think when the episode ended...I wanted to see the cast walk out for a bow and applause. It didn't seem over because they didn't do that.

I did get kind of depressed while watching, but it wasn't about the show. For much of the ten years...I would spend my Thursday evening watching Friends with friends. I can remember always watching Friends in college with a whole group of people. It was a ritual of ours. And then when I was in grad school and until about a year ago, I would watch friends with some friends out here. Well, two of those friends have moved and one of those friends is no longer a friend. So, I tend to watch friends at home by myself...without friends. It's just kinda sad...when I think about it. I mean...I know I have friends, but on Thursdays I am often reminded of the friends I used to have which are no longer in my life. Yeah, I know...woe is me.

And on to the actual show. I thought the last episode was good, but I wish it had ended differently. One, I expected them to set up Joey leaving for LA sometime in the show...since he is going to be in the spinoff Joey.

Two, I seem to be the only one on the planet who is not happy that Ross and Rachel ended up together. One, I find Ross and Rachel both to be verging on annoying...and at times very self absorded. So, they aren't my favorite characters. I personally liked Rachel better with Joey...I thought they were better matched and that Rachel was a better person when she was with Joey. And secondly, I was unhappy about how it ended with Ross and Rachel...mainly because of the choice that Rachel made. Rachel just ditched her career and all that came with it, to stay with Ross. I would have been much happier if she said to Ross on the answering machine, "Ross, I love you...but I need to go to Paris. I need to do this for me. Even in Paris, I will still love you...so let's work this out, but I have to work it out and still get on this plane." I guess as a woman and as a feminist, I don't like the image it sent...that it is okay to throw away your career and everything you are working on...for the love of a good man.

Three...I fully expected Monica and Chandler to name the boy baby Joey and was kind of disappointed when they didn't.

I'll miss friends...I really enjoyed spending my Thursday night watching it.

Shelley

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

UJ: voting with the enemy

Today was the primary election in Indiana.

It wasn't an incredibly exciting election...since the presidential race is already decided, but I do adore voting, so I voted anyways. I wish I could have voted for Howard Dean, but alas...it wasn't in the cards.

And...get ready for this one...I voted in the Republican primary!!!

Yep..I did. It was a strategic move. I only voted in one category...which was the Governor's primary. I decided to vote that way because one of the candidates was just horrible...so, I voted to vote against him. If he became the governor of Indiana...*shudders at the thought*

I did ask...twice...if voting in the Republican primary would change my party designation and they said no. Cause if it ended up that I was a Republican, that might just hurt my soul!

Shelley

Monday, May 03, 2004

UJ: random thoughts

I haven't been writing that much...to those faithful 2 or 3 that still read this thing...because things have been complicated and I haven't really felt like I could write about it. I still don't. I will say that work is complicated...and that complication makes my job both suck and blow at times. I am mulling over a couple of different options...but nothing has moved from the mulling phase.

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Coffee is gross. I just made a pot of coffee for work....and tried a sip to make sure it wasn't too weak or too strong. How the hell am I supposed to know...since no matter what, coffee just tastes nasty! lol Why does coffee have to smell so good and then taste so bad? It seems like another nasty trick God is playing on us. I have been a consistent tea drinker for years...but coffee was never my scene. Part of me really likes that since I would never want to be that person who NEEDS their coffee before they can function in the morning. I woke up at 5:41am this morning...and nope..had no coffee. I meant to make a cup of tea, but alas...I forgot.

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*yawns*

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I have been drinking a lot of water lately...it's my new kick. I stopped drinking soda altogether. I was drinking...maybe 4 or 5 sodas a day, maybe more. They were diet soda, but still...that just isn't healthy and the amount of sodium...ick. So, I decided to stop drinking soda and just focus on water. I have been drinking...get this...pretty much a gallon of water a day...give or take a few ounces. At first...it was pretty hard...mainly on my bladder...but now, it seems pretty normal.

Why am I sharing this with you...you might be pondering to yourself.... Well, I bought SmartWater the other week...not because I think it will actually make me any smarter, but because I liked the size and shape of the bottle. It's a 50 oz. water bottle, so I can take it to work and slowly drink it while I am there. Anyways...I also like the bottle because it makes me giggle. They have little witty captions on it...such as "side effects of SmartWater may include being called nerd, dork, geek, dweeb, brainiac, know-it-all, smarty-pants, smart-aleck, bookworm, egghead, four eyes, einstein or being mistaken for the I.T. guy." Things like that...just make me chuckle!

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John Mellencamp was on the radio the other morning...not just one of his songs, but he was being interviewed. I think it was an older interview...from a few months back, but I enjoyed listening just the same. UNTIL...he talked about not wanting to make any more records because he woudl just feel silly if he did. He talked about the record industry and how they don't look to establish artists anymore...instead they just want one good hit. He talked about how music doesn't mean what it used to... He talked about how when he was growing up...how influential music was...and that he would wait with anticipation for the newest album from his favorite artist to come out. He said he feels like the industry is so vain at this point...he doesn't even want to be a part of it.

I think what John is saying is valid, but I have to critique his choice. If the music industry is so vain...and that angers you...instead of walking away, fight the good fight. Maybe John just doesn't have the fight in him anymore...but well, if that is true, it's a sad day in Mellencamp land. I don't know...I equate it to politics. People say that politics and government are corrupt...and it is true. But then those people decide to disengage from the process...and walk away because they are so enraged by the corruption. When how does the system ever change if the only people who are involved are the corrupt ones? How is music ever going to be able to return to the time John was talking about...if those who care about it just walk away.

Plus...I am bummed as someone who does care about the music and not the clothes and the awards and the drama. I would be one of those who still anxiously awaits the release of one of my fav bands albums. I see that music is vain...and all about Britney Spears and such, but that is why I choose to support artists who I actually consider to be musicians and not puppets.

Hmmpf....

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I don't think I have anything else to share with you on this Monday morning.

Shelley