Friday, March 31, 2006

911 tapes

I was watching Good Morning America and they were doing a little story on how the NYPD was releasing a bunch of the 911 calls that were phoned in on September 11, 2001.

My heart sank when I heard this. I mean...why do we need to hear people calling in what was happening that day? What purpose does it serve? It's not like it is needed to piece together what really happened that day. We know.

I guess I just get frustrated with the media and the nation's need to continually retraumatize ourselves....over and over again. I don't want to hear the people calling in and reporting the last hours of their life. Many family members reported that they did not plan on listening to the tapes...because they didn't want to hear their loved ones like that.

I think some people think we need to "never forget" and that tapes like that help.

You know what...I won't ever forget. I was always remember that day, where I was...what it felt like. But, I don't feel the need to keep poking the wound. Moving on isn't forgetting either...and I need to stop reliving this. I think WE ALL need to stop reliving it.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Week 12 Check-In: Keep on Truckin'

Week 12? Wow....that means 3 months. It doesn't feel like 3 months. This week has been okay. Not great. Not horrible. Just plain ol' okay. In total, I lost 1 pound this week...I'll take it!

I ate alright this week...actually, I ate really well until the weekend. I ended up eating way too much on Friday night and then didn't eat very well on Saturday either. I could have done a lot worse, but then again...I also could have done a lot better. And to top it all off, I ate at Panera for lunch on Sunday instead of making something healthy at home. I think by the time Sunday came...I considered the weekend a lost cause, etc.

As for as working out, I did well. I worked out a bunch this week. I worked out on the elliptical machine 5 times last well as doing strength training once. My goal has been to at least workout 4 times a week...and this week I made and surpassed my goal. I also am slowing and surely falling in love with my elliptical, I don't mind those workouts much.

So, this week could have been better, but I also realize it could have been a lot worse. All in all...I am happy. I started to slide back into my bad eating habits, but by Sunday afternoon...I cut it and got back on track.

My goals for this week are:

1. Watch my calories....and make sure I am eating on plan, even on the weekends.
2. Workout at least 4 times this week...striving for 6 since I am not working at the video store this week. Also, try to fit in strength training 2 times this week instead of just one.
3. Make sure I drink my 100 oz. of water everyday.

That's about it for this week...I am getting there...slowly...but getting there.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Week 11 Check In: Back in the saddle...

Yes, that is right...another weight loss check in. I meant to check-in on Monday, but blogger was officially being a pain in my ass. So, Tuesday will have to do, eh? Let's get to the stats shall we:

That's right...I lost 3 lbs when I stepped on the scale on Monday. Whoo hoo... I am proud of myself for a couple of reasons. One, with my mom being sick and in the would have been real easy to ditch the diet and exercise for the week and go ahead and eat my weight in cheese. No one would blame me, right? Instead...I watched my calories and got almost all my workouts in. I missed one...but when given the choice of the hospital or the elliptical machine. I made the right choice. I used my mom as motivation, not as an excuse.

and secondly...I hit my second weight loss goal. I have lost 20 pounds since January 1st, which absolutely thrills me. I now...get to order myself the lip balm and lotion that is listed over there on the left in my rewards section. I am so thrilled...and excited to get my new reward stash!

*Does a small happy dance*

Life is good people...good. My mom is getting better everyday. I have my diet mojo going on. Yep, life is good.

Happy Tuesday y'all....

Friday, March 17, 2006

mom's doing great....

My mom is doing SO much better. She was on the vent from Tuesday night until today about noon...and each day she just got better and better. She didn't wake up much at all on Wednesday, which was good because she needed to get her rest in order to get better. On Thursday she started waking up...but got frustrated because she wasn't able to talk and wasn't able to tell us things she knew we needed to know, etc. the beginning of Friday she was writing away a storm and really doing well...and once the tube came out, you couldn't stop her from talking.

I am so happy to see her doing so well...I thought she was going to be fine, but also a small part of me thought that we might lose a part of her because of all of this...I thought she might wake up a different person. Well, I couldn't be more mom, her smile...her sense of humor is right here and not going anywhere.

She did break my heart a little on Thursday night...she was just beginning to write things down....asking what happened to her...why she was here...saying her arm was sore...she wanted more water on her lips, etc. So, she started to write something...that started "I'm sor.." I thought she was writing "I'm sore" And then she continued, "I'm sorr..." I took the paper away from her...and told her that she didn't need to be sorry...that I was her daughter and that I loved her and being with her is exactly where I want to be. Sometimes I forget just how much I desperately love my mom...and how much I would ache is she wasn't here. She's an amazing woman...and I am so lucky to have her as a mother.

phew...I really feel like my mom, my family dodged a bullet on this one. So, thank you to everyone who thought warm and kind thoughts. It definitely worked.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

*sighs for real*

My mom is in the hospital again....she got brought to the ER last night at about 7pm. They don't really know what is wrong at this point...but when they brought her in and started doing tests, she went unconscious and they had to put her on a ventilator. It's scary seeing your mom sitting there....not being able to breathe on her own.

At seemed real negative, but as the night wore began to look more hopeful. I guess the main problem is her CO2 level...which was way too high and basically was working like a narcotic and put her into a comalike state. They still haven't figured out what brought her CO2 levels up, but they stopped thinking things like stroke and a blood clot in the lung. They still need to check those things out...but it doesn't look likely. I am going to head over to the hospital after I let work know what is going on...and stay with her for a while.

I have to say...ERs get a horrible reputation. Mine was amazing...they really treated my mom well. The doctors...the nurses...everyone who came to make sure we were okay. We have an amazing hospital here. We are lucky.

So, send some good thoughts my family direction....I am sure we could use em.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


I logged onto the computer this morning....because I was awake and thought I would surf around a little bit before my alarm went off. So...I was looking at the articles on Yahoo when I saw these two articles who basically are the definition of irony.

Bush Expresses Confidence In Iraq's Future


Baghdad Police Find 69 Bodies in 24 Hours

I mean...when are we going to admit that whatever we are doing...isn't working??? When are we going to admit that Iraq is becoming my generation's Vietnam more and more everyday. I am saddened to hear every single day of the loss of life in the US soldiers and th Iraq people....and the numbers seem to be increasing and increasing.

I do not many of my democratic friends that we should jump ship in Iraq right now, but I do think we need to look at the problem. What we are doing right now is NOT WORKING. We need to admit that...and stop burying our head in the sand and saying that everything is going to work out. Everything is not going to work out...not if we continue going the same way we are now. Now...all I know is...more troops will die...more hostages will be taken...more Iraqi people will be killed. That...right inevitable.

I just feel so hopeless about the situation over there right now. I desperately need a leader...someone I trust...someone with at least show me a way in which the situation in Iraq can find some peace...some possibility of giving that country the freedom that America promised. Remember Operation Iraqi Freedom...yeah right!

My heart sinks....

Monday, March 13, 2006

Week 10 Weigh-In: Back on the Bandwagon

After about 3 weeks of falling big time off the dieting bandwagon....and reverting back to my lifestyle that packed back on the 50 lbs, I have good news to report.

I think all my chastizing and calling myself out on my suckage made a world of difference. Plus, I joined a Buddy Challenge over at Renee's that has just renewed my enthusiasm. I had felt like this weight loss game was out of my control for a few weeks now...and was starting to lose hope. But today....I feel in control of my game. I feel awesome...and energized. I know what I am trying to do...and not only do I hold myself accountable, but so do the amazing women in the challenge with me.

And how did I do last week? I lost 4 POUNDS! Yes, that is right...4 freakin' pounds. It is about time...since I had three prior weeks of staying the same and then gaining a pound. I needed to break myself from this rut...and I think I did. *Does the 4 pound loss dance*

My goals for this week are as follows:

1. Write down EVERYTHING I eat...and that means everything!

2. Keeping drinking the water...chug, chug, chug!!

3. Check in with my Buddy Challenge every single day.

4. Workout at least 4 times this week...either on the elliptical for 2 miles or a Power 90 Program.

I am starting to get excited because I am only 3 pounds away from my next goal reward. I can almost smell and taste the yummy lip gloss and lotion! Plus, I got some nice compliments at work today from some people who haven't seen me in a while. It's nice to see that people noticed...and not those people who know you are dieting and exercising. One is a client at work...and she hadn't seen me in about a month. She said for a little bit, she didn't even recognize me. I still have a long way until I am at where I want to be...where I remember being in 2000, etc...but I also know it is baby steps and this week I took a huge step in the right direction.

Let me tell is good right now...very good.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

the QUEEN of suckage is I!

I never posted last week either....and I meant to, I really did. But well...I have been in a funk. Last week I gained a pound...which isn't what put me in a funk. In fact, with my eating patterns lately...I feel I am gosh darn lucky I skated by with only gaining a pound.

I don't know what happened with my motivation lately...but I am going to get it into gear. I see a few problems...and hope to fix them.

One, I am not working out anymore...I just got into a lazy, I am tired mood and haven't gotten to it. I haven't walked...I haven't Power 90'ed...I have done a lot of sitting on my ass.

Two, I stopped logging what I was eating. You know, it is a lot easier to eat a box of Cheez-Its or a pint of ice cream if you know you aren't writing it down. It's like you can deny it is really happening. No of Monday everything is being written down again.

Three, I haven't drank my water intake lately...and having been turning back to the evil soda. No more...water only...NO SODA!

So..i have some things I need to work on...that's for sure. I am focusing...I am re-committing. I know I need to do this...and I know when I am doing it right, it almost seems easy.

And...let's be a smidge positive since this post can't be all about how much I suck. My car wouldn't start yesterday when I was leaving work...which sucks. But the silver lining of it all was that since I only live about 2 miles away from work...I walked home yesterday evening. And, I ended up getting my car started this morning...and so I drove my car home from work and left my parents' car (got to love the minivan) at work. As soon as I got home...I walked myself back to work to pick up my car. being forced into it, I got about 4 miles of walking in. That's a start folks...and a reminder that exercising can be as easy as getting to and from work if I want it to be.

Off to the races I am....

Thursday, March 02, 2006


So, last night I flipped on Bravo at 10pm to watch Project Runway...even though it would be pathetic without the sunshine that is Nick.

And low and behold...each one of the remaining designers needs to select an old designer to help them finish up. Yep, that's right...Nick is back is all his adorableness.

It's sad giddy and happy I got when I saw Nick walk through the door with all the other designers. Suddenly...Project Runway is worth watching again!