Wednesday, September 15, 2004

sometimes my anxiety rules me....

I just got off the phone with the exec. director of the place I interviewed with last week. You know, the homeless street outreacher job.

She offered me the position. She said that my references just glowed about me...which was wonderful to hear. So, thanks bunches to my references!

She also said she was going to try to get the salary a tad bit higher since I had so much experience with homelessness. That really made me happy to hear...since the salary was incredibly low, especially since I was going to be commuting to the job and how gas prices are these days.

So, she's gonna check out what she can do with the salary and get back to me. It looks like I might be gainfully employed in about a week or so.

I will admit, I am a little be jumping back in and for people to have such a high expectation of me. I hope I enjoy the work...I am just nervous about it. I have to make myself think back to my first days at Horizon House...and how nervous I was there too. And my first days at Shalom...and how jittery I was there. I started to think...that maybe this isn't right...since I was getting all kinds of nervous about it...but in reality, it's just what I do.

So, what is making me nervous about this job:

1. I haven't worked in about 3, jumping back in is a little daunting.
2. A lot of people at this place have mentioned my vast experience...which is great, but it also is pressure. I feel like people expect me to walk in and be brilliant...and in reality, I am gonna be quite a dunce until I get the system, get to know the population here and the organization.
3. When I did outreach was walking and this time it is driving a van. I don't know the city very well where I am going to be working...and I am someone who doesn't really like driving around in a place that I don't know. I can be a nervous driver at times... Add in driving a big ol' van...and well, yep...nervous.

But all in all...I know that this is a great gateway position for me to get back involved in homelessness and social work, but on the east coast. I am just spending time driving myself nuts! looks like I will be a working gal once again. Even with all that nervousness...I am still really looking forward to it.

Cross your fingers for me...that I can accept this job and still have a slightly larger chunk of change to bring home each week as well.