working, working, working it all out....

This might be a long entry...so, for those few who read me, strap yourself in...and enjoy the blathering of Shelley. And no, it is not about baseball. And no, it is not about tv.

I haven't been talking about health and fitness and weight loss lately. Since about mid-February, I've been eating well and exercising and trying to drop a few pounds. So far...so good. I've been losing about 1-2 lbs each week since then. I had one week where I think I lost 0.4lbs...but hey, as long as it is going in the right direction, eh? I still have a little less than 10 lbs I would like to lose.

This week, I gained for the first time since mid-February. I gained a pound. Was it a surprise? Umm, no. I usually work out 3-4 times a week...last week, I only got 2 workouts in. Plus, I was exhausted almost all of last week. Some of it might have been because I stayed up until 2am to watch a baseball game and still had to get up at 6am this next morning for work. And, one day for lunch...I might have had a salad and tootsie rolls and DOTS for lunch. Hey, at least I didn't just skip the salad altogether and have only candy for lunch. And to finish it off, this weekend...I ate about a ton and a half of salsa and chips. Dip, crunch, dip, crunch, dip, crunch.

So, the fact that I gained a pound was not a surprise to me...at all. The only surprise is that it was only one pound. All in all, I am not worried, nor concerned. It's the first blip since February...and it was a break/breather in many ways. Plus, it wasn't the downward slope that started me on gaining back everything I lost. By the end of the day on Saturday, I was done with it. I went back to drinking water....and not eating chips or candy. On Sunday, things were back to normal. I weighed in on Monday, wrote down the number and moved on. I went to the gym today after work and rocked the elliptical for close to 70 minutes. I had tons of energy and felt like I could go for an hour more. Not anything like last Friday at the gym when I did 30 minutes, but was so exhausted and it just felt awful the whole time.

I know that I need to make sure I don't let exhaustion and just having an "off week" allow me to just anything and everything in front of me...but in the end, salsa and chips and tootsie rolls and DOTS will not be the end of me.

Oh, I mentioned going to the gym. Did I tell y'all that I broke my elliptical? I did. It's craptastic. I love my elliptical. I love being able to come home and get my workout on in the next room over. It broke in the same place my last one did...so, I am thinking I bought a pretty cheap ass one. I am in the market for a new one, but until then...I am crashing the YMCA. I don't have a membership there, but my work does, so I am using one of their passes. It's been about two weeks now.

I miss working out in my own place, but I do LOVE the Y's elliptical machines. I get such a better workout on their equipment. I sweat more, run faster, etc. I wish I could afford one of those...and could fit them into my place. I am enjoying my time at the Y, for the most part. The things I don't like...not being able to have the TVs on what I want to watch. Having to read the subtitles when I often forget my ear buds. Having to wait for a machine when it is busy. Being surrounded by some annoying, nosy people when I am trying to workout. The creepy guy who works a the Y...and is constantly walking around and staring at people. The 15 drive there from work. But...that elliptical machine. Ahh, I might be in love.

One thing I did notice and it was an interesting epiphany. I was working out last Wednesday. I noticed this skinny little thing working out out a few machine down from me. She is one of those people that just looks naturally long and lean...and very thin. My immediate though..."skinny bitch, I have to work so hard and there she is with not a spot of fat on her."

And then I basically told myself to STFU. I often like to assume that thin people are naturally thin. I am sure it is because I have been heavy for most of my life and have worked so hard in the past couple of years to become thin. Yes, I am sure there are some naturally thin people who can eat whatever they want, never workout and have perfect bodies...but that is the exception, not the rule. This girl...as I am talking smack about her inside my head...she is WORKING OUT on the elliptical, just like I am. Her smokin' hot body...she probably works pretty hard for. I realized I need to stop doing that. That it makes "thin people" the enemy...when the reality is that I am a thin person as well, even if I still have some more pounds I want to lose.

Yes, I am probably never going to have a body like that girl. I spent close to two decades not taking care of my body. I was overweight and didn't do a heck of a lot to change it. So, even at my thinnest weight, I still have...issues. I'm proud of the weight I lost and my body the way it is now. I have to accept the limitations and instead of hating those who don't seem to have those imperfections. Maybe I need to respect the work and dedication they put into their bodies while I was spending time putting pizza into mine. I also...sighs...need to give myself a break...stop comparing my body to other women. What good does that do?

Ok...the novel of this entry must end. I did warn you in the beginning it would be a long one. I have been thinking through this entry for a few days, so I figured I would just start writing and end it when I was done. So there...DONE.

And now I am off to watch the finale of 24. It had better be good. And Jack Bauer cannot die.