Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Sometimes I just miss my mommy...

Now that I have fully caught everyone up on the fun weekend. Here is post #2 for the day. I know...my life is so exciting, eh?

Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of my mom's death. Sometimes it seems like it has been a million years since she passed away...and in other ways it doesn't seem like two whole years have passed.

I thought of her a lot this weekend when I was in DC. One, it was a wedding/anniversary party for my cousin on my mom's side. My mom and my aunt were super close...so my mom is always very present in anything surrounding my aunt. She would have really enjoyed the party....seeing old friends and celebrating with the family.

I also thought a lot about some of her struggles this weekend...especially surrounding her health. She would have loved the weekend, but there were also a lot of things she wouldn't have been able to do. The baseball game would have been hard for her. There was a lot of walking...to the Metro...to the game...to our seats, etc. The same with the downtown walking adventure. We would have accomodated it...and I would loved nothing more than to have that opportunity, but it did remind me of the struggles she faced. That made me smile...not because my mom struggled, but because of her attitude she had during it all. She was one of those "I'm going to make the best of it" people...and if I can have 10% of that attitude, I'm in good shape. It also cemented for me that no matter what....I need to take care of my health and not let weight and all the health problems that go along with it get a hold of me.

At one point during the weekend, I forgot the anniversary was coming up. It was kind of bittersweet. I know I will never forget my mom's birthday, but it's kind of okay if the date of her passing isn't imprinted on my mind. That isn't the way I want to remember her. I want to remember her laugh and her smile. I want to remember how she was always so supportive and proud of me.

I had the day off work on Monday. It just worked out that way because of the traveling for the weekend. I went to her grave marker and brought a flowering plant. I didn't want to buy flowers since they tend to get moved and die pretty quickly. I like the idea of a plant that I can water and take care of in front of where my mom is. One, it makes sure I visit often enough to tend to it...and two, it is something that can thrive there. It is this little plant with very pretty purple flowers. My mom loved purple, so I think she would enjoy it.

All in all. As the title says...sometimes I just still really miss my mom. I miss random conversations. I miss being able to ask her questions...or the things she could have taught me, but I was often too busy to sit down and learn. I will always miss her, but when it comes down to it...I had one of the best moms on the planet for 30 years and a lot of people don't get that. So, I've been blessed.

Much love Mom. Much love.