self-fufilling prophecy...

I have talked about how I am afraid and basically hate dentists before...and I ain't kidding about that. Dentists make me nervous...one mean one made me cry. I am not a fan of them, nor their profession.

Anyways...I went back to the dentist yesterday to get a few more fillings and basically be caught up with the work I need to get done (minus the 2 wisdom teeth in the back that need to come out, but baby steps people...baby steps). The dentist came in and got to work...and drilled stuff...and filled stuff...and used that blue light filling thing.

I had the thought while I was going through all of this (which really wasn't all that bad)....that my fear of dentists...which has kept me away from his chair...has also made it so that when I go...I always have cavities and fillings and that sound of the drill. In many ways...if I went more regularly...the dentist probably wouldn't be the same horrible experience.

But...since I can't help myself from being the social worker that I am...it's also a health care, insurance and money issue. I have had a cavity that I have known about for more than a year...that hurt from time to time...and that I probably would have gotten some attention for...if it wasn't the issue of money and insurance. When I just graduated from grad school in 2002....I no longer had health insurance...nor dental care. When I started working at the homeless center...they did not provide health care because they were such a small, non-profit. I was able to afford an individual policy for health insurance (which had services that were horrifically expensive...and that sucked)...but I was not able to get dental insurance. Dental insurance just doesn't exist if you aren't getting it from your employer. You can get those discount dental programs...but insurance...no sir. So...from 2002 until 2006...I didn't have any dental insurance. So...I could only really afford to go to the dentist if it was an emergency, that's it. And when I did get insurance in 2006...I needed to wait the mandatory waiting periods to have any of the work I knew I was going to need...covered by my policy.

So yes...my experience at the dentist was much worse because I put it off. I walked in knowing I was going to have fillings and that it was going to be an ordeal. (My dentist is fabulous by the way...he got all my fillings and what not taken care of within 2 months...my last dentist...it would have taken her 2 years). Yes, I put it off because I fear the dentist...and hate sitting in their chair. Yes, I put it off because I was embarassed at the state of my teeth and that I didn't get the regular check ups. But I also put it off...because I didn't have insurance...and for sure, I didn't have the money that I knew it was going to cost.

You know...when I was working at the homeless center (that place that didn't provide me health insurance mind you)....I would see many of the homeless men that would come there. They had such horrible teeth...because they could never get them taken care of. They would just continue to let them rot until they got so bad...that they would get pulled. The guys there...either had rotting, black teeth...or no teeth at all.

In the best country in the world...we have to have a better system than that. I was no way in their situation, but I will say that insurance and cost...kept me from getting those cleaning for close to 4 years.

P.S. Still terrified of dentists....my dentist is funny though...he knows that he terrifies me, so he does whatever he can to make sure I am alright. He's a heck of a nice guy...but well...he's still a dentist!