UJ: good day all around....

I had a pretty good day today...and I have no real reason why. I spent some time with a friend today...she came in and brought me a homemade lunch (isn't she the sweetest thing!) and then I had a meeting that I usually loathe...but, it wasn't bad at all.

Then I came home...watched some crap TV and then worked out. It went really well...and I felt really good.

Back to my friend I mentioned aboved...she really is an amazing woman. As I have mentioned before, the closest friend I had in grad school, well...she isn't really a friend anymore. From time to time..I get overwhelmed with sadness about it. It makes me question what I bring to a friendship or any relationship....and this has been going on for 6 or 7 months. On good days...I know that I am a good friend and that if this former friend didn't realize it...or if being my friend was too hard, then that is something that is her issue and not mine. I worked hard on trying to keep that friendship going...and I just can't work on it anymore.

But...then on bad days...I wonder...I wonder why I wasn't worth making the effort when things got hard. I wonder how she could not be my friend when I worked so hard being her friend when she was going through a hard time. I think that maybe I am just too difficult...and if you give people time, the same will happen with them too.

Now...I know most of that self pity isn't true, but it doesn't mean I don't feel it. It doesn't mean that my self esteem doesn't take a temporary nose dive when this former friend doesn't call or email back for weeks or months.

I don't know why I just shared that...I think maybe since today is a good day...and the reason why is because I spent some time with a really good friend...who I appreciate her friendship...and she appreciates mine too. She called me this evening just to chit chat and check in about how her day at school went...it was a nice feeling. It reminded me...since it is a good day...that I have friendships in my life that make me feel good...that validate me as a friend.

I am tempted to delete all of that, but instead...read away.

Happy Tuesday all!

Shelley